I’m perpetually tired.
The shame about getting Covid recently is that now everyone attributes it to that. “Oh yes, my sister had the fatigue for months after! It’ll pass.”
It’s just like the last year after having my son. “Well of course! You’ve just had a baby! Make sure you sleep when the baby sleeps. Don’t worry about the housework”.
No. It’s more than that. I know it is. And it was well before Covid.
It irritates me to high heaven that I can’t prioritise going to get all those blood tests that I need checked. I have a list of appointments I want and need to attend.. some health, some vanity. Things that I deserve to make time for. But I don’t do it. There’s always something more important to be done. I’ve turned into one of those martyr mothers and I can’t eye roll harder at myself.
And yet, I still don’t do it.
It’s impacting everything, including how much I can give my son. I believe wholeheartedly that the saying is true that you must show up for yourself so you can show up for others. I’m seeing the result of not doing that in real time.
To be a little fair with myself, some of it is logistics. It really is difficult to coordinate with how busy I am with work and family life. I don’t exactly have a lot of options for baby sitting, and most of the “pending” appointments are not toddler friendly.
And a lot of it is I’m just too damn exhausted as it is to add MORE logistics and MORE commitments. It’s constantly “ugh, no way I can make it work this week, I’ll think about it next week…”
I need to prioritise it though. Because I honestly am starting to feel like a bit of a shell of my old self. I barely recognise myself some days.
Some good to finish off.
The kiddo has been so darn adorable the last few weeks. It’s a challenging age (nearly two) but also glorious. He’s understanding the world and discovering words and copying so much. What an honour to watch a human come into their own. It feels like yesterday he was a literal wiggling worm with no awareness of even his own existence. To see him flourish is so satisfying.
Exhausting, but satisfying
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