23:11
Just a few quick things.
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S asked me to go out again w the group tomorrow but I can’t cause I have training. I feel really bad and I really want to go but I don’t have the time.
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I found out I do have abs and muscle mass but to make it actually defined I need to have less body fat. Imma start eating less as I was planing.
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I want to do a quick comparison on my friend groups. First is the 3s,just three of us, together in class, always sticking together but we have become a lot more mature in less than 6 months so it works less now. And (what I hope becomes) my new friend group: S, B and maybe I, J and some other friends of S and B. S and B are obviously closer than I am so it feel like I’m a third person. It is by now not even nearly as close as the 3s but I hope it becomes it because it’s only been 1 week and we already hanging out. They’re more mature and adult and I really enjoy being around them. I really need new friends because I’m very alone.
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I just wanna remember something from Friday. We were on S house and I told me I “acted like a woman”. The context was something like S asking me what did he do wrong (on a board game) and me replying “I don’t know, do you know?” or something like that (ironically). She said that to me and to be honest, I felt proud, like I can’t explain it but being slightly feminine and not just masculine makes me feel like more “me”.
Just that, nothing much to say, just reminding I should never take this in the future as a completely objective view. I wish to remember how I’m feeling right now, writing this and listening to everlong-FF (guitar Playlist).
Chronophobia and depression hit me hard today too.
23:20
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