The message my ex sent is still gnawing at my brain…
I’ve struggled to stay focused most of the day because my attention was fixated on that stupid message. The anger and betrayal I feel for them admitting to abuse and then in the next sentence ask me to go through and elaborate on the abuse so they “know what they did so they don’t do it again.”
You admit to abuse and then act like you don’t know what you did? The damage to the places we’ve lived, the bruises/scars I’ve acquired, the items that had to be thrown away due to damage, and the way I flinched away and avoided touch should tell you plenty. If you don’t know what you did, if you are unaware of the amount of DAILY abuse you put me through, a simple list of all the times you hurt me wouldn’t make you see it either.
How fucked up do you have to be to not realize biting someone til they bleed is abuse, forcing someone to have sex is abuse, screaming in someone’s face and throwing things at them is abuse, threatening to kill yourself if I leave IS ABUSE… Just the same as yelling at an animal in lue of someone else while they watch, belittling, gas lighting, lying, ect ect. How are you unaware that you were abusive when I had a PTSD flashback BECAUSE of you, in front of you. Remember? You grabbed me and I screamed bloody murder. I screamed and shoved you away, dissolving to the floor into a flashback of you abusing me. You couldn’t come near me for 2 hours without me screaming and starting to cry in FEAR OF YOU. Hell, even the dog started to get between us when you’d start to yell. I could go on naming all the things youve done …
I could go on and on til my anger runs dry. But it wouldn’t serve anyone. You’d learn nothing, I’d be raw and hurting all over again, and I’d gain nothing in the long run but more annoyance from you.
I hate you. I don’t wish you were dead or anything, no. Instead, I hope you have the life you deserve. I hope any good comes back equally, and the same for the bad. I don’t have to wish harm upon you, I need only wait for karma to come back around. You put yourself needlessly into suffering over and over. I don’t need to add to it. But I also don’t have to pity the fucking idiot who never learns.
Speaking of karma… I wonder what she has in store for you after abusing me for 14 years, hm? I wonder what she will do to you after threatening to kill me… I don’t envy your repayment. Though I am sad to say I’m not waiting around to see it. I have better things to do than watch a dumpster fire in Chernobyl.
I hope this message finds you one day. Have the day you deserve.
-the person you tortured
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