22:21
Well I’m physically and mentally tired but not too much, this weekend we went to grandma’s (I slept on the sofa tonight again)
Weekend went like this: Friday out, lunch and buying a gift w Laura for a bithday.
Saturday morning math, then we went with grandma, spent the whole day at grandma’s and slept on the couch. Sunday, lunch at grandma’s and we came back cause I had 2 birthdays this afternoon
I went to the first one, kinda weird (it was at the beach and there were like 3 7yo) and then Cinthia’s was better but the 3s and her friends group are really different.
Now, the main thing. Gotta say too that I had a lapse at English class on Friday cause I hate speaking and we had a presentation. In the middle of that attack I had many different ideas and I want to write a bit, but I believe someday I will start updating a lot less and I don’t think it’s a problem anyway. This journal is not for writing my life everyday, but rather explain my thoughts and ideas as well as important events.
Dependance on my intelligence. Basically, I’m nothing but my academic and logical abilities, I believed (on Friday, idk now) that if I lost my intelligence for some reason I would be completely empty and worthless. I’m afraid of losing what I feel is my only talent.
Envy and avarice. I did arms gym workout twice this week even tho I was destroyed. I really want a beautier body and that is my fixation. Specially B and S from class make me extremely envious but almost every good looking guy makes my blood boil.
My class feels like a family. And that’s very positive. In English class they literally cheered me up with a sign that said “You can do it”. It’s great that they are so united but maybe the problem that makes me feel uncomfortable lies in me not being able to be part of a family.
This is related to a though I had in the car back home. I grew up too fast, forced myself to stop being a child (I still remember when I told father to stop talking to me like a small kid when I was like 7). But it wasn’t any body’s choice, it was mine, and no (coyuntural, since I can’t trace back my childhood for estructural trauma) trauma caused that behavior on me.
So feeling uncomfortable in a family and not trusting people is actually my problem and I, exclusively, have to work on it if I want to fit in my class.
Basically that’s it bye ig.
(I’m trying to short up my entries both for faster writing today and faster reading in the future)
22:35
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