oh how i wish. in to you.

Oh, how I wish I could tell you this. You got to walk away from it and left me with these god-awful memories. Rather it is the lack of memories of that night that haunt me. I hold so much anger now. I’m so angry with the world because of you. I want to blame you for all my problems and I know it is not all your fault but you don’t get to walk away with clean hands and leave me with your dirt. Leave me carrying your guilt, shame, and humiliation. I shouldn’t have to feel so much humiliation when I tell my story but every time I try to recount the events of that night I immediately wish I stayed quiet. I feel humiliated telling them about it. That you took a piece from me. You took advantage of me and blamed me for it. I was at fault because I drank too much that night. Oh my bad I shouldn’t have enjoyed myself with my friends that night, right? You got mad at me that I drank when you saw me at that party. But then you came to my room and still did it. God how angry I am with you because every single day since I have thought about it. About you. I can’t study. I can’t even hold conversations cause you pop into my mind. So much shame comes from it. I know it’s not my fault but it still feels like it. The funny thing is that I did tell you that don’t ever do that to me but you just grabbed my wrist and yelled at me. What the fuck did I do to deserve that? I hate when I look at my mom and want to admit why I am hurting so much I feel ashamed. You made me hide from someone I love so much. You took so much from me. You did this to me and you got to walk away, and I didn’t. I’m stuck.