A snail could beat me in A shell in a nut

Today was a little bit of a slow day. I am feeling all of that I have done for the past couple of days. I hung out with a couple of friends, went on a date, had a little fun that night but not home run. Volleyball is same as always. My goals as of late is kind of directionless. Everyday, I hope to get a little better at socializing but its a little hard to track right now. Socializing comes in many forms and and purpose which makes it hard to understand where, how, and what should be focused on. I can always say be funnier or let yourself be open a little more, but that’s easier said than done. Always keep the conversation going, but what’s the point if its not fun. People would just want your company, but I don’t enjoy my company with the company I am with… sigh sigh… On the outside, my life seems pretty grand: I have multiple friend groups, dates and a girl with benefits, and some motivation and energy to participate in activities. Yet at the end of the day, it’s a boring, frightening, draining, anxiety inducing, existentially dreading, and lonely… quite alone. BUT… I am an optimize. I will reset and hit everything again later in a better mindset. Wear your seatbelts.