I can’t believe I moved away from the island to be back in this town. Better yet, I can’t believe I’m dragging Billy into this mess. It has been nothing but chaos since I have arrived. Logan and I have gone completely backwards in coparenting Remi. I think he feels threatened by me living so close again. Before I would only see Remi for a week or so every couple months and now that I’m here I have only seen him 4 hours max and he’s not even answering my video calls anymore. I’m still on supervised visits for 6 months thanks to him telling the court he’s scared I’ll take Remi and disappear. Today he ended up blocking me after we got into an argument about me wanting to enroll Remi in cub scouts as some extra bonding time. And of course, that ended up being the worst timing because an hour later my father who I have not seen in 5 years messaged me that he is on his way up from Florida. He has only met Remi twice when he was a baby.
Along with that I’ve been getting really down again. I’ve been reliving moments in my head from years ago. I thought I was mentally ready to be up here, but I feel as if my mental health is deteriorating which is making me question if I’m even mentally okay to go on deployment in the upcoming months.
I just want Billy to get here. He arrives Wednesday. I’ve been worried sick about him because I left right after the hurricane hit the island and the power was still out. It’s on now but the storm was horrible for business at the shop. Everyone was too broke from being out of work a week and a half that getting a tattoo would make no sense. This unfortunately means we can’t ship the car right now either. We’re starting from complete scratch. Just an apartment and a mattress.
Honestly that’s the easy part though, him and our empty apartment. He always makes everything easy. It’s the whole world outside of us that’s complicated.
But that’s all for now. Thanks for reading. I might be back tomorrow.
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