Growing up in Before, Now, and maybe even the Future

Ever since I was a kid, my dad has always told me that because I’m a woman, I have to look a certain way for men to like me: (after getting my braces off) My Dad: “guys aren’t going to like you if you have crooked teeth, so you have to make sure you wear your retainer to keep your teeth nice and straight). I am an underweight woman, and I am petite, so growing up, my whole life, I have always been told by friends, family, and even strangers that I need to eat more and go to the gym because “guys don’t like scrawny girls like me.” I always had a hard time gaining weight; I ate so much growing up as a kid and still would not gain any weight. I don’t like being underweight, I wish I could gain more weight so I could look decent and not be scrawny and weak. I would love to be fit and have nice muscles and be strong. That way, I could buy clothes that fit me and I could look beautiful in whatever I wear. But…No wonder I have a hard time loving myself for who I am and how I look because I had everyone in my life telling me all the time that I need to change how I look and dress so I can be attractive and so people can like me. Great. Awesome… Now, I know I’m not beautiful with those constant opinions shoved down my throat reminding me everyday. Cause, that’s how they make me feel…Like I’m not beautiful enough, and I’m not good enough. Why can’t I just be myself and dress and look however I want without people always judging me all the time? Why can’t people just let me be me and let me be happy with who I am?