Rush in General

I’ve now been up for 36 hours.

As predicted after the endorphin/caffeine rush from yesterday afternoon there is no sleep to be had.

It is fucking Saturday and I am not going to hear from GD until sometime next week – and that is being optimistic.

I’ve called out two days in a row, and I am spring loaded to just bang out tonight and tomorrow, the go in when the personnel office is open and resign.

Me and burning bridges. Seems I can always feel that fire at my back. Guaranteed way to ensure you are going to reverse course and go back across the river.

I don’t know if I should just believe in myself enough to know I will get an offer. Or cower and keep destroying my hands, feet and soul. I mean 21 bucks an hour is 21 bucks an hour.

It’s not nothing.

But the idea of a Mon-Fri first shift job sounds so creamy.

They asked if I was willing work weird hours to finish projects.

It was all I could do to not ask them if they read my resume.

Miz Rabbit says I should go for second shift, because they would put me in the planning yard and I’d be traveling all the time.

I don’t know. If I could get 60-70K I’d travel as much as they wanted me to.

They also asked if I was comfortable with on line meetings, zoom etc.

I held it together because internal monster me was breaking shit and bellowing “have you been living in this country for the last two years?”

Half of my medical appointments and ALL of the appointments dealing with my daughter have been via Zoom.

I really do need to go drop the heavy bag out of the attic (it’s on a pully system) and beat the fuck out of that bag.

I have so much energy and anxiety I am eventually going to say what I think, and that would not be socially acceptable.

Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!

It’s the weekend and I am not going to hear from GD. Fuck!

I can’t in good conscience go to work at Wally World knowing I am planning on bailing. I’ve had simmering complaints roiling in my head. I’ve handled it by telling myself to shut up and keep my head down. And just work.

I’m afraid that if I perceive myself as bulletproof I am going to launch. There is so much stupid going on there.

Me and burning bridges.

With age comes wisdom.

I’m at a 90% solution I am going to resign from the ON Stock job and bet on the come with GD.

I honestly have no idea how I am going to get through the next week.

I don’t know what happened to me yesterday. I became me again. Confident and aggressive.
Instead of cowed and hiding from society in the weird vampire life at Wally World overnight.

I want to watch the Sunday news shows and make soup on Sundays and go to bed early looking forward to going to work and solving problems instead of staring at the clock and dreading the five minute drive to fucking Wal*Mart.

95%.

I just checked the tide charts and the surf report. 8ish foot high tide, onshore breeze and 4’ swells.

Need to check Reid State. Mmm. Same but Popham is closer.

Time to break out the shorty and the board.

I’m going surfing.
97%
98%
99%
I fucking quit.
I’ll diplomatically LOA out today and tomorrow, then go the Personnel office on Monday and submit my resignation.

And pray the GD offer comes through.