This very second in A life unfulfilled

I was falling asleep on a friend’s couch when I felt this urge to just talk and I have no one to talk to. What I feel is regret, anxiety, and sadness. I want to be happy on this couch, In this very normal couch but I can’t. I can’t because I’m not in my own bed, I can’t because we’re scared to go home and I forgot my toothbrush. My mom has drank a few beers and rum drinks, She’s not sober she’s intoxicated. I’m alone in this house filled with many children much taller than me, A 20 year old female. My younger brother stayed home but I have this feeling that he’s lonely and want’s us home. I would give the world to go home to my bed but my stepfather’s is there and it’s late. He’s not your average get drunk and throw up person he’s more like drink and drive with a splash of torture. When he gets home from work it isn’t home it’s just a house we sleep at. A house we’re all forced to live there because of the economy. I want out but I could and never would leave my siblings. I have given them everything in my life. If suffered and bled for them. My tears after a few drinks aren’t from an ex they’re for them and their future. My stepfather’s used to love me alot. He would talk to me and share space and air. Now he holds his breath when he passes me. He contemplates buying me food and even asking me for anything. I hate him. I hate him because he’s inappropriately touched me and because he makes my life hell. I’d kill him if I could and if my head and my heart could handle it.