DW has a skin cancer on his face near his eye. He told me and I couldn’t sleep at all last night from worrying over him.
He video called me after work and told me not to look so worried. But I AM worried.
I want to cry but feel like crying is insinuating that this will be bad and will defeat him and so I feel like I’m refusing to cry by tightly locking my worry into a compartment deep in my soul and hoping it stays trapped there while I try to remain positive and hopeful that I can support him in some way. Crying isn’t going to help him or make him feel better and I’m sure he’s worried too. Even if he says it’s okay, I know he must be at least a little nervous and just not wanting to alarm anyone because that’s who he is. He worries over everyone else over himself.
I tried reading about it to understand it more but it made me more anxious because he’s dealt with this weird spot/wound on his face for 8 months and only just has been seen for it. I hope he gets treated quickly and that it’s effective.
I feel sick today from not sleeping well and stressing. If anything were to happen to him, no one could tell me because I don’t exist to anyone but him. That’s the part I think that scares me. The idea of losing him suddenly without ever knowing for sure what happened. No bad juju or negative energy, it’s just me admitting my fear. But I’m still refusing to think this will be something that beats him at this point. He’s still fairly young and healthy and will soon hopefully have access to treatment.
I need him to be okay.
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