I don’t really care about you, the reader, so please don’t waste your time reading this.
I am a boy in my mid-teens and also a porn and masturbation addict. Why am I writing this here? I don’t know. I just wanted to.
Whenever I sit down to write about my thoughts, my brain goes totally blank. I can’t really think of anything sensible and part of it is due to my addiction. Or maybe it’s just me blaming my addiction for something that I was born with(dumb brain). I sometimes think I am misogynist because I watch porn. Is it not just because I hate women that I watch them getting dominated by a sexist man? Why am I even alive? I tried to quit watching it but I fail miserably. I tried 50+ times(You can safely assume that I am lying, but to be honest, I am not) and could only last without porn for a minimum of 3 days and a maximum of 6 months. What caused me to relapse? Nothing. I tried being a little edgy and ended up jerking off to something I don’t even remember now. I am pretty sure that even hell won’t accept me. Might end up in the void. Me and my eternal pain of being a monster.
When I was around 11-12, me and my cousin experimented pretty seriously. Didn’t regret it then. Four years later, it nearly made me go insane. I don’t know anything about his views on it though. (Yes, “His”) but I don’t think I am purely gay. What’s the point? I have to spend my entire life alone anyway. Humans are far superior to me. Monsters like us should have died the day they watched porn for the first time.
It feels like even inanimate objects hate me. Just living is getting harder day by day. If you are still reading, you might say, just accept and move on. Are you really sure that’s it’s as easy as that? Human’s have killed themselves because of their regrets. I don’t know how I am still alive.
I just want to live like a human being. But every-time I try to break this addiction......I can’t.
Please help me.
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