Where do I belong?
Somewhere over the rainbow.
Lawrence, Kansas?
In class studying Linguistics and learning how to properly use grammar.
Grammar, I am.
A daughter, I am.
A friend, I am.
Loyal, I am.
A human, I am.
Chinese, I am.
So then why do I feel as if I have been caught between a rock and a hard place.
Battling with my identity.
There’s a label for everything.
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer. Straight.
Female, Male.
Girl, boy.
Why does my language have to divide me from my ethnicity and culture?
Girl, born in China, raised in Colorado.
Divorced parents. Practically an only child.
Split families. Relatives with a past before me.
Where do I belong?
This poem I wrote was written back at the beginning of college when I found something to mount to. I thought that I knew my purpose in life, to fit inside a box with other architects that design boxes of different designs. However, the thing is, I don’t feel like that person anymore. I don’t feel as if architecture is for me, I want to say that drawing and designing is a passion of mine but it feels like there’s a flame in me that burned out. Un wanting feelings, anxious thoughts, tired mind, and an aching heart have given this passion inside me a big woosh, setting the fire out.
I don’t know what to do now and I do not want to be here anymore. I want to escape who I am or who I feel I am as there is a rope tied around my ankle, keeping me shackled inside a confined space. My jailer telling me I am free when I can only be let out so far.
I have nothing to show for myself. I feel as if I have no proper motivation or struggle in order to overcome to grow. I am a wilted flower outside, sitting in the shade in a pot.
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