The Color-Coded Spreadsheet in The Beginning of the End
- June 29, 2022, 4:07 p.m.
- |
- Public
Honestly, I’m not sure how to process today’s development.
I received an email from my estranged husband saying he’s arranged a place to stay and will be collecting his things on Saturday.
The tone was bizarre. As my friend put it, “Why is he talking to you like you work in HR?”
Bear in mind this is the first time I’ve heard from him since Monday when I told him we’re divorcing. He’s made no contact. No attempts of apology. Nothing.
Attached to the email was a spreadsheet.
A color-coded spreadsheet.
A spreadsheet of items he wishes to collect.
When I first opened the spreadsheet, I just closed it as I had an overwhelming surge of pain. Our marriage, our family, our shared life and home, condensed down to a spreadsheet.
Instead, I forwarded it to my closest friend and asked her to check that it sounded reasonable.
She phoned me. Laughing. Hysterically.
He’s itemised everything. I mean everything. A celestial throw blanket (which was a super cheap purchase from Amazon). 3 bottles of wine (a christmas gift from his work, mid-range quality, nothing special). A toasted sandwich press he never uses. A cast-iron skillet from 1962 that’s falling apart. A tent that was used once in 2015. The best part was ‘heirlooms’. No context. No description. Just ‘heirlooms’.
My friend texted me afterwards saying “Honestly, LAUGH, because this shit is priceless”. And she’s right. This shit is priceless.
He exerted more energy and passion writing that list than he ever has on our marriage. It was so needless. I’m not arguing over possessions, I never indicated I would, and I don’t consider myself an unreasonable person. I’m not going to have a lawn-fight over a sandwich press.
Whilst there is still a lingering hurt, it’s my pride more than anything. Rather than attempt to apologise or reconcile, offer an olive-branch now the dust has settled, he sent me a color-coded spreadsheet.
He can have his spreadsheet and his throw blanket and his tent and his HR managerial tone.
At least I know who I married now. I married Spreadsheet Man. And I’ve never been so relieved to be free.
Last updated June 29, 2022
Deleted user ⋅ June 29, 2022
Sounds like being a dick and emotional distancing. Like marriage is some kind of financial deal.When I got a divorce I was fortunate the bitch was mostly content just to move in with her lover. Oh and as a foreigner she got her green card ;-) I have felt so fortunate over the years she cheated on me etc. We look back and kick ourselves for marrying such people. Divorce is often a correction of a mistake 2 people made.