Moron in How Life's Going

I noticed my ‘obsessive’ behavior towards him. I carve his name on my desk and write his name on random things out of boredom each time his name came across my mind, I wouldn’t really call that obsessive. Is it? I don’t even know. He talked about it just a few minutes ago. I know that I’m problematic, etc, but I also don’t know how to fix it. He said he’s not upset or mad about it and I’ve already expected him to look at that issue as me being obsessive. But now I’m just scared. What if I couldn’t stop doing things like that? I don’t want him to think I’m crazy. He said if he loses me, he’d never forgive himself. I think he should forgive himself if that happens. I’m not worth it. I’m horrible, that’s for sure. I don’t know what he sees in me. I’m the worst kind of girl he could ever ask for. I’m scared. I just am scared and sorry. I’m so stupid. Am I victimizing myself right now? Someone, please tell me what’s wrong with me and what am I doing wrong here. I can’t tell which is right and wrong anymore, I’m scared. I don’t want to hurt him.