Thoughts om Therapy #2 in diary

It is funny, how much sense everything makes retrospectively. While talking in therapy, I realize that a lot of thoughts I thought are consistent and deeply routed in my brain and memory, are actually so hard to vocalize and as soon as I try to speak them out loud they almost disappear and my head feels completely vanished and empty. Also while attending therapy I thought it is bullshit, and I cannot get anything out of that because I know all the solutions to my problems, my only problem is just that I am too self pitty and weak that I let myself go down the same way again and again. But now I realized that‘s actually not really the point. After I shared a view thoughts I had on my mind that I would never share with anyone else, I noticed (again retrospectively) that I changed my behaviour afterwards and I opened up and shared my feelings even tho nobody precizely asked me to do so. (Opening up is one of my issues apparently) And that didn‘t happen in a long time. I remember that moment well now, and it’s not that I did it accidently but also it kind a just happened automatically. Which is a good thing and actually a huge step forward for me. Very funny how therapy seems to have so much impact even if you don’t recognize it while you’re in it.