I'm very seriously considering shutting down my business. For the past few weeks, as much as I've been able to sit back and think about it, it just doesn't bring me joy anymore. The thought of working with people, the selling, the constant marketing....I just don't have the passion for it that I used to. I've always known that I wanted to be self-employed, and that I wanted to do something creative. I think I've just finally reached the point where I can recognize that, as much as I love being a photographer, I just hate all the rest of it. I hate spending 80% of my time marketing to people who don't value my service. I'd rather spend my time taking photographs I love, even if I don't sell them.
Owning a photography business has killed my passion for the art of photography, and it sucks. I haven't picked up my camera for anything other than a paid session in months. I just don't care about it anymore. :(
So, on to other things, I think. I'm not sure what, yet. I have some ideas that involve blogging and crafting, that involve a whole family business, and not just me. We'll see what develops.
I'm just very tired of the pressure that seems to come from everywhere I look...to look a certain way, to live a certain way, to always be happy and perky and well adjusted.
Pardon my french, but..well...fuck that.
My life is not pretty. It's not organized. It doesn't look like it came from a magazine. Sometimes my kids eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch AND dinner because there are days when I just cannot deal. I'm tired of trying to fit into everyone's idea of a "perfect" life, and I'm tired of being made to feel like I'm measuring up to invisible standards.
Sorry for the rant this evening. I've spent the past five days recovering from dental surgery, and having multiple unpleasant side effects to my medication, so I've had a lot of time to sit around and think. And get grumpy, apparently.
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