Dynamite in Safety Net

I don't burn my bridges, I blow them up. It can be lonely sometimes, but it keeps me from going back to the people and places that are so toxic to me. I'm getting ready to blow another bridge and leave behind another drama filled chapter (or maybe volume) of my life.

My uncle text my mom this morning and told her that someone made him a really good offer on the mattress set they were saving for me, so he sold it. So my brother got a hat and I got a blanket. I guess technically it's a coverlet, and in keeping with tradition, my uncles don't know I have it. When my grandpa's mom ( that I happen to be named after) died, all of the siblings were fighting over who should have this coverlet she had made. My grandpa ended up smuggling it out of the house and it stayed hidden in the back of a closet for the rest of his life so his other siblings wouldn't know he had it. I ended up sneaking out of my grandpa's house as well. Now I'm really glad that I did.

The only thing left for me to do now is pictures. I took all of the pictures from the house to scan onto cds. It's a huge job. I think I ended up with 8 boxes of pictures and photo albums/scrapbooks. The only reason I offered was because when my grandpa remarried my grandma (my mom's stepmother) went through all of the photo albums and tore out my grandma's pictures and stuck in pictures of herself to make herself fit in the time line. My mom always thought her mom's pictures were gone, but I found them. So I wanted to do the pictures to make sure those pictures weren't lost forever.

And then I'm done. Really I could be done now. I could just mail the cds and not have to deal with them anymore. Normally that's what I would do. Send them their crap and include a note saying please don't contact me. This time, I want them to know they've hurt me. They've hurt my brother. But most importantly, they've hurt their own sister.

I've been told many times that I'm good at holding a grudge. I really don't see it that way. For the people I really care about, if I can tell they are putting forth a genuine effort, if I can tell they really care, then I can forgive them over and over again. How else could my mom and I still be living under the same roof? How else could I spend an entire weekend with my father and actually somewhat enjoy myself? Does it mean I'll ever forget everything they've put me through? No. That would be stupid. No, not stupid. I believe that's how Einstein defined insanity...doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Remembering the past prepares you for the future.

Distancing myself from certain individuals is not the same as holding a grudge. All I'm doing is keeping myself away from a future of pain and drama. I'm not sticking around to hold a grudge the over them. I plan on leaving them behind and moving on with my life.