Up too early... in Journal Stuff

5/11/2014

Soooo….updates.

Few things have happened lately. Not of super importance, but they impacted me. Which makes it important enough to type out.

Had a dream last night/today (I sleep when I feel like it. If it’s still light out, I have lucid/problem solving dreams 95% of the time). I woke up with a great idea for my story. And I’m not sure I still have it. I can’t even remember what it was about, outside of the fact that I’ve been thinking about a climactic event where I was wanting to formally introduce/incorporate Ajax. In thinking about it, it feels like a deus ex machina (spellcheck doesn’t do latin very well), but I feel like there’s plenty enough foreshadowing to get away with it. In thinking about how I’m setting it up, it feels a lot like DBZ. The situation keeps escalating till eventually the main character just stops caring. Mainly because it’s assumed he has lost the “game.” So, his inner Overman comes out.

Baja Blast Mt. Dew is being sold out at Walmart. Sold out as in, I bought a 12 pack. Now they don’t seem to have any more. I’m going to try early in the morning after the restocking.

SPEAKING of taco bell, got half off my meal (3.50 in savings) for standing in line behind 5 highschoolers that turned into 8 when the rest showed up and jumped ahead of me. They screamed everything they said, talking over each other constantly. It was mostly girls, where the leaders (the ones asking people what they wanted, giving the orders to the cashier) kept looking up at me to see if I was giving them some sort of look of approval. I pretended like my headphones were magically able to drown out the world and kept my neutral look on my face while I pretended like I didn’t know what I wanted to order. The building manager took my order and thanked me for my patience (by giving me a 50% discount…it was that bad). I ate in my corner booth with my headphones in the whole time because they just kept yelling. When they walked off, they had left sour cream, guacamole, soda spills, sauce packets, sauce puddles EVERYWHERE. The floor, the table, the chairs. One of the two leaders commented to the rest of the group from across the building that “We should probably clean this up…but oh well.” This is what I keep seeing from my roommate. This weird, cliquish outlook where he has no indoor voice with his group and doesn’t care to clean up after himself while assuming he can figure out everything from by imitation without understanding. I’m living with a highschooler.

Speaking of highschoolers, I want to unfriend Moanerz. She posts three new selfies a day along with random “cute” or “funny” videos based in high school humor. Then she messages me over FB to help her with the most rudimentary geometry homework imaginable. Like…areas of triangles and circles. Then she calls me an ass (“I missed your asshole-ness”) when I type out the formulas for her to use on various problems, she just responds with how she’s “done with this shit,” and I ask her if I’m finished, too. Which makes me an asshole. She didn’t even care whether I was working on something myself when she suddenly wanted help. She needs a role model in her life. And some better self-esteem. And to stop flirting with me if that’s what it is.

5/14/2014

While making dinner myself something to eat, I took an inventory of all the stuff my roommate was leaving messy in the kitchen and decided to look in the oven. He had some stovetop pot/handle combo thing with charred food inside. I’m betting it’s been in there for weeks at least. The entire microwave has caked shit on it. I always make a point to cover anything I nuke with a paper towel to avoid that. The counters all have caked on burnt grease, white residue that’s either milk or a flour/water mixture, and sauce stains. Every other day I’m still getting hit with the smoke alarm. Sometimes I even get it early enough in the morning to wake me up. He’s left the windows open in the main room for the last few days, even when it gets into the 40’s at night. Then he turns the heat back up to 80 and leaves to sleep with at his girlfriend’s apartment. If I thought for even a moment I could make a difference by airing my complaints while keeping his experience a positive one, I would. I’d rather live with this shit than deal with the negativity that would come from a more open conflict, but I really wish there weren’t so many people that play at life. His idea of doing things reminds me of a robot copying the idea of what it’s seen someone else do. There’s no understanding, no attempt at understanding the why’s behind actions. It’s just mirroring and subsequent confusion when there isn’t the same effect that the human got. Maybe a child mirroring would be a better analogy than robot/human. Cussing without the knowledge of nuance.

5/17/14

Dad doesn’t seem to answer his phone. He called me when I didn’t have my phone with me. So I don’t know whether he’d be fine with me staying over the summer. My RD has told me that someone is using my room to store their stuff over the summer, and my option of living here over the summer would require me moving over to my roommate’s room. Which I’m imagining looks like a bedbug graveyard, food stains, and various other sadface things. Considering I can take the summer course next summer (probably) I’m going to sign up for checkout tomorrow probably. I’ll give Chris a call to let him know I’ll need his help to move out and be done with it. Maybe Dierbergs will actually hire me this time around. OR I’ll get a fast food job. I’ve actually always wanted the experience.

6/1/2014

Been “home” for a couple weeks. According to mom, it was three weeks, 4 days ago. Lucas and her go at it about every 4 days. Mom drinks every other night. Lucas is high/drunk every 3rd or so night. Dad is on his computer looking up bug out bag info, artofmanliness, etc. Seemingly avoiding dealing with the problems. As if he should have to. The house would literally fall apart if his money/presence wasn’t here.

Mom and dad keep giving him money and the car keys. And they keep assuming he’s telling them the truth about where he’s going, what he’s doing. They enable it and ignore everything I tell them. I don’t even know if they can make a difference anymore, considering how many times they’ve shown themselves to not stick to what they say. And then they wonder why luke has no problem doing it back to them in other ways.

He asked me if I wanted to play COD with him. As if he wasn’t asking me if he could play on my xbox. And I told him I don’t play it anymore. If he pushed it, I was going to tell him that I hate being around him when he’s on drugs and I don’t trust him to take care of my things. Dad tells me that I need to “get him out of the house” looking for jobs or whatever because he spends days on end playing kongregate games. Dad works, mom spends days on end watching TV (see the connection? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!) and I’d rather just keep filling out applications online than go out to places so they can tell me to…fill out the applications online. I get tired of hearing “we did everything we could” when they meant “we did the same things over and over because it was the first thing that came to mind.”

I made the girl behind the deli counter nervous today. By being my rugged self. She was a blonde, probably in college and had the look of someone that spent a lot of time outdoors doing sports. I bought 2 half-lbs of lunchmeats and a pack of Colby jack cheese. She couldn’t find either meat when it was right in front of her till I pointed at it and dropped the cheese on the ground before scaling it. I ribbed her a bit with a smile and her…elder? (a guy I’ve talked to on other occasions who has this whole happy mechanic vibe to him) and I joked a bit to lighten the embarrassment. She had trouble even looking at me for some reason.

Oh, speaking of making someone nervous, the girl that checked out my room went from being neutral, professional, and kind of cold to giggly and shy after being about halfway through the checkout. I don’t think she realized there was someone like me on campus (another semester of being told, again, that I had the cleanest checkout of anyone she’d encountered). She even forgot to mark down that the blinds were damaged on my checkout until we had locked up and I was heading back to the clubhouse to turn in my keys. I made the comment of “aw man, and I just signed it, too…guess we gotta fill out another one.” She just said to forget about it. So…maybe I won’t get charged for it. Like some sorta cosmic karmic justice. I should’ve asked her for her name at least…she was really cute.

Of course, I only notice most of this stuff after the fact (besides the deli counter girl…she made it way too obvious). I’d bet that the checkout girl probably gets hit on a lot at that school and I’d rather not make things weird on a first meeting by being anything more than friendly. She probably gets tired of it.

Lindsey Stirling made a bunch more songs. Rountable Rival is my current fight song or whatever…even though it’s misspelled. I love it.

Got my grades back. 3 B’s and an A in the communications class. I was expecting two A’s but whatever. My old coop dorm-mate from a while ago who got angry at me and started yelling because I told him I like to play board games for the fun of it and not specifically for the winning seems to be in EMgt now as well. He unsettles me in general, now. At least before, his look kinda matched his personality. Now, he’s got this professional look while I still know there’s an insecure shark underneath it. Here’s hoping he ends up being a good person in the end.

Moderating pictures on OkCupid.com is pretty funny. Some woman from the UK actually had a caption underneath her profile photo that said something along the lines of asking OkCupid to stop removing her pictures without giving her a reason. The picture was a stock photo of a well-known UK actress/TV personality. I looked at her profile and it was a LOT of rhetoric about how she hates people who misspells things, wants honesty, and someone at least as smart as her. Her grammar was pretty terrible, too. Looked really shameless.

6/3/2014

Mom and I got into a conversation on religion after dad had left to go visit his parents/siblings. It started out as a conversation on memory, where she told me I was wrong many times (eventually, hours later, told me I was right about everything regarding perception/memory and pretended like she had never thought I was wrong). To my shift into religion as a simile/metaphor to show the point I was trying to make. To her crying about how I’m attacking her faith because I kept pointing out things that didn’t make sense to me with religion (holy family was mentioned at some point). I probably also didn’t make it any less tense with my use of bible quotes to point out how her arguments don’t make any sense within the bible. She told me Jesus wasn’t God at one point (which removes the idea of the Holy Trinity) and I realized she was just on a massive defensive theme, so I let the conversation (/argument at this point) dwindle away. I’m reminded of this because I saw a video MacAvoy commented on facebook that argued pseudoscience as a prop for creationism that reminded me of a conversation I had with dad yesterday on chaos/order that bordered on religion that went back and reminded me of the fact that I made my mom cry on her birthday.

Played once on Braum before I got kicked offline and the region was down. He's got a lot of utility. Wish it wasn't so hard to target the right teammate in the middle of fights, though.