Let's Bullet Point this Shit in Life |2021|

• After my little hoe phase I got into a brief little relationship with another navy man. It was brief, it was fun, and then he ended it. Which is fine, no hard feelings on my behalf - we truly had nothing in common. But we had some fun times - experienced my first MMF threesome with him.
• I’ve been working toward a promotional position at work. The position was released a few weeks back, I applied, and I talked to my boss today and she said I was the only one that was eligible/applied. So this should hopefully be finalized soon. Of course with governmental work things are always slow and it’s an extremely super busy grant and budget season. So, I’m just hanging out and chilling.
• My little sister got engaged. So that makes two huge weddings happening next year. My sister’s is in May 2023 and my cousin/BFF’s is in September 2023. I can’t wait.
• Still not talking to my mother. She called me a couple weeks ago and then texted me asking her to call her. But it was in the middle of a major event for my non-profit
• The struggle of living alone is starting to take its toll. I’m really having a hard time with not having anyone to talk to about things. And I feel like I am annoying or a burden to my friends - they all have their significant others/their own lives or they’re work friends, and balancing the professional/friend relationship is difficult. I’m really trying not to focus on how alone I truly am because I will start to spiral.
• I’m trying to get my health in line. I finally went to the dentist after 6 years. Don’t judge me. I didn’t have insurance for half that time and then COVID hit and it’s at the bottom of my to do list. So, anyway, after a deep cleaning I’m headed in the right direction - I need major pocket cleanings and have three cavities I need filled. I also was bullied to go to urgent care by my coworkers after I had an excruciating 6 week long period. Ended up having an ultrasound. Ended up being told it’s nothing they can see (everything is normal) and I just need to see my primary and a gyno. So I saw my primary last week, I think, and I’ve started on birth control. Don’t get established with a gyno until the end of May. But, I’m not longer bleeding to death, so there’s that. I’m an adult, guys. I am getting my shit TOGETHER.
• I’m struggling with imposter syndrome, hardcore this week. I’m surrounded by super professionals at work that are just extremely knowledgeable. They’re all super scholarly and have degrees, major experience, and are constantly furthering their education or learning. And then there is high school graduate (or drop out, if you ask my mother) me that just kind of nods my head and goes with it all that has somehow managed to work my way up into this professional level supervisory position where I’m expected to be a subject matter expert in all things for this section at the state level. I can feel myself starting to hyperventilate because I don’t feel qualified and feel like the biggest idiot and that I don’t deserve to be where I am at or where I am headed. My self-talk is so abhorrent and I don’t know how to change it.

xx Shea