Everything is returning back to how it was. 2019 mode. I didn’t miss it at all. Hard to believe but I didn’t. Miniature wings are dominating over wings at homes. I am going back to what I want to be. I want to be clear now so that I don’t lose myself over the course of time with others and for others.
1- I lie in the quietness. I don’t need to show that I am not religious, I go to the church because it is quiet out there. I stay there until the bell rings hopefully. I meditate in there. I forget what happens outside or anything of that sort. I go in there, away from the noise of others who mock and talk way too much. This is the first step in remaining as I am. I don’t interrupt and talk in between classes with students, if they talk to me I either ignore or politely ask them to not do so. I don’t comment while anyone speaks or tells anything. I know myself a little to know that I don’t belong in these acts. The social self is not my true self.
2- I don’t let external noise fluctuate my principles. I am strict when I need to and no one should discard me as lenient and fun and no one should accept me as a wise person. I’d be a person who tries to be kind because one has already seen the potential to be unkind.
3- I am.
4- I don’t give away information more than necessary to my friends. The feeling of chestholes might have permanence but friends don’t. I need to stay in my own self and not be too possessive for anyone or not give anyone undue attention.
5- I think before I speak.
6- I follow discipline. Sleep at 11 and wake up at 5. This is harder than it seems. Harder than staying up late, that is easy. And I want to do hard things.
7- I don’t talk too much and I meditate on that. I do yoga whenever I feel tired or clumsy or at no peace which is often.
8- I repeat, I meditate on the word “Quiet” for 2022.
9- I don’t fear missing out.
10- I stay with things and people I love: programming, writing, 3b1b, vihart etc.
I cannot afford to lose myself. I live in the beats of Elliott Smith.
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