Constantly I hit the walls of life. You see I came out at 30 years old. I came out in hopes of being me and not the shell I once was. I was proud to finally be authentic and sincere. So saying, “I am gay” was so uncrushing. But then came reality.
I had surrounded myself with closed-minded people. I had cut off high school friends, college friends and so many others because they didn’t fit the mold. They didn’t support the faith that I was so entrenched in. Religion had captivated me and gave me a high that was so deadly that I almost lost myself and the identity that I was created to be.
You see all those people I thought truly loved me for being me (even what they didn’t know), but in all honesty, they loved the show but had no clue the cost of the ticket to my life. People I called friends for over 17 years walked. Religion once it saw and heard the real me, walked away because the true bill of their closed-minded beliefs could not reconcile to the cost of friendship.
The day I came out, crushed me. I stood alone and waiting for someone to stand with me. To hug me. To say, its ok, I love you, but it never came.
Thankfully, after some time, my parents supported me being me. Thankfully, I found my husband after some time dating and figuring out my new foundation. It is still challenging at times to find peace in religion, but I know many support and love me.
I still have trouble making friends. I still want those close friendships back, but the line has moved and expectations are much greater.
One day, friends will be friends. I will find my tribe. I will be loved. I will be found where I am. I will be celebrated and not tolerated. One Day.
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