BitchFaceMary in ::2022:: The Woman In The Mirror

Thank you everyone for you sweet messages about my dad’s passing.

I really don’t think it has hit me yet. I’m guessing it’ll kick in when I NEED to talk to him. I fear that day.

I absolutely HATE my mental health team…

I had that useless fucking Bipolar meeting on Tuesday. I told my bitch Psychiatrist that I wanted to stay after to talk to her about my meds.

The group is from 9-10 and it’s a ZOOM meeting.

When I tried to talk to her at the end to tell her that I haven’t taken ANY meds since Sunday last week, she said (AND I QUOTE) “You’ll have to make an appointment for that. I have a 10:00 so I never stay after group.” Then, as she was hanging up, she said “If your meds are available… Start taking them” and disconnected the meeting.

I had spoken to my Pharmacist about it over the weekend and I explained to her that:
No. 1- I know you’re not supposed to stop taking psych meds suddenly
And
No. 2- I was tapering down already so I could get off of them altogether.

My question to her was, do I just not take them anymore? Or should I start taking them again at a lower dose/ continue where I left off on the taper schedule?

The Pharmacist said that tapering is to prevent withdrawal symptoms and since I wasn’t experiencing any of those and was trying to get off, that I should just stop them both and keep a close eye out for withdrawal symptoms. But she also advised me to talk to my PRESCRIBING PSYCHIATRIST about it on Tuesday.

Of course I asked Dr. Google and it mentioned seizures as something that could happen with suddenly stopping the medication so I REALLY wanted to ask Mary (Psychiatrist) about it.

So, back to Tuesday after the meeting....

She disconnects the meeting. So I call the “Virtual Clinic” to set up an appointment with BitchFaceMary. I sit on hold for about 20 minutes and the dork that answers tells me (AND I QUOTE) “Mary’s not taking appointments anymore. She has a note here to address everything in/ or after group”. 🤨

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

How the FUCK is a Psychiatrist NOT taking appointments? What kind of shit is that?

So I schedule with my Therapist and just say “fuck Mary”.

Now that I’m writing this… I’m gonna call my insurance and report her because this is bullshit. I’m REALLY pissed about this and care providers need to be more accessible to their patients. Mental health is serious and our insurance companies need to know about bad providers.

So, I haven’t taken the meds and I’m not going to take any either.

I feel great!! I’m still not eating meat. Taking vitamins everyday. Lemon water all day.

I’m praying that I don’t have seizures.

O yeah, my computer got stolen out of my car so I’m doing all this on my phone. It was my fault. My head was up my ass. I was the first one to my dad’s house in the morning and I just went inside. I was in a bit of a daze. When I finally went back to my car, my windows were part way down and my bag was open and the computer was missing.

I’m pissed and sad that it’s gone but it was my fault. I know better. I’m from the city. I know people steal. I knew my windows were stuck down. I know better. But my dad was dead. And that’s all I could think about. I went to his house expecting him to be there. But of course, he wasn’t.

It was a surface pro 8. I loved that computer. And my dad bought the case, the keyboard cover, and he gave me the little pen. 😔. My dad put a $20 bill in the case one time because I needed something. I didn’t know he put it in there and he called me and said “did u look in the pocket?” I looked in the pocket and he said “now you can buy that (whatever it was)” I said “No. Imma keep it. Just in case I really need it one day”. I never spent it.

Now, this piece of shit human being is walking around with all this sentimental shit that meant so much to ME and they don’t even realize. Or care. Cold world.

Whatever. I try not to think about it. I bought that computer when I really couldn’t afford it.

My dad had one too. I have his now but I can’t get into it. He was a computer nerd and he had extra super duper security on his computer. I gave it to a friend to try to wipe it but he couldn’t get through. My dad woulda loved knowing that!

Work completely stopped. They closed my COVID testing site on Tuesday so that 1 day a week that they were giving me is now GONE.

I filed an unemployment claim yesterday. I haven’t been there that long but I had money in my account from a million other jobs so I’ll just see what happens. Smh.

RBT gets here on Tuesday. I’m excited about that!! Haven’t seen him since 1/3/22.

He’s moving here instead of me moving to LA. More on that another time…

I’ll go now. I promised myself that I will not go a whole day without leaving the house. I need to spend at least 2 hours OUTSIDE my house every single day.

I don’t think staying inside too long is good for anyone’s mental health… Especially mine.

Love, TheMinx

Last updated March 03, 2022