Wednesday 02/23/22 in Lady Loves the Ocean

Good Morning Wednesday!

It is cold here this morning. I have been up since 5:30 a.m. It is 8:12 a.m. and it is 6 degrees outside. With high today of possibly 20. Brrrrr. We have snow in the forecast for tomorrow afternoon. A high of 28 degrees. We gradually get warmer for the weekend. There is hope in sight. The sun is trying to peak out now.

Today I don’t feel like I am in a good headspace. I checked my account for my Social security check. It is there. And I went about paying my rent, phone bill, credit card bill, and tried to pay my electric bill. But the website is messed up. To look at how fast the money goes out as soon as you get it. It is so defeating. I know everyone is living with this reality. But I am feeling so defeated and helpless at this age. Do I get a part-time job? Do I try to cut back more? I am just getting my health on track. I am probably overthinking things. I am great at doing that. I just didn’t picture my retirement years being like this. I guess I should be grateful that I am here living these years. Both of my parents passed away before they could enjoy their retirement years. I just have to figure out how to deal with it better.

I didn’t go out at all yesterday. We had freezing drizzle most of the morning. I dumped some ice melt out the front door so I could move around on the deck to get to my garbage bin. But I didn’t go any further. My car is covered in ice and the path to it as well. I am not risking going out and falling. Hopefully, the sun will come out in the next few days and melt some of it. I do not need to go anywhere. And I am grateful for that.

It is so hard not to think woe is me with the way things are in the world right now. I hope as the weather clears up and I can get outside again that I will start to feel better. I know things are going to be limited still. Almost like when we were in quarantine. Except the reason will be that I just can’t afford to do things. I have to figure out other ways to live and be happy. I have always believed that the simple things in life make a person happy. But you still need to be able to eat properly and get around. I want to be able to drive to my son’s house. I am just going to have to figure out the wants, needs, have to have things in life. And not let it drag me down to a dark place. It is going to be a challenge for sure. Life is what we make it. Right? I can make it worth living. I know I can.

My thoughts and feelings are all over the place. But this is the place to unload. That is why I have this diary. To help myself figure out my life. Work out my problems. My life is different in a lot of ways compared to others my age. But yet there are so many similar things as well. Getting old isn’t for sissies for sure. I have never run away from a challenge and I think the next year is going to be a huge challenge. Just like the first year of Covid was. I survived. Life seems to move so much quicker and you realize so much more when you are retired for sure.

I am going to stop here for now. I need to try to find something to do to occupy my time and thoughts. Every little thing is going to be alright. It might be different but it will be alright.

Later,
Sheri