Woke up at 3. Wide awake. Full of regret. Fell back to sleep. Woke up sad. Really weird dreams. No motivation today. I’m having a hard time getting out of my head.
I have nothing. I feel empty. Very sad.
I have a headache.
Did a little work on TLH, but got frustrated and stopped. I rationed out my vistaril so that I know how fucked up I can get before I get my refill. I get five today. Woo.
Not a good day.
I took the dog for a drive today and she whined like a little bitch the entire time. I’m losing my temper. I can’t tolerate anything anymore.
I think about getting a job and it feels pointless. It’s overwhelming. I feel like I’m at the end of my rope. Intense sadness, intense loneliness, intense intrusive thoughts. I want this to end.
My mind is fucked up. This is bad. Really bad. This is the worst day I have had in a while. I need this to end. Someone mentioned that I might have obsessive thought ocd. How did I get this way? Why am I so fucked up? I hate this. [name] is right, I am immature and fucked up. I would leave me too. I am broken. I am ruined.
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