12/17/2021 in Starting over I guess

emphasized textUp at 3:30 am wind howling 18 degrees. Checked on Colton he is still out. Put a fire in the wood stove while the coffee gets ready so it can get it extra warm in here when Colton wakes up. It went from 70 something to this over night. Feed for Colton again, but it’s so cold I don’t need him sick, He was a little upset He got ready to go feed I told him I already did, He said Dad stop doing my chores I’m not 5yrs old. and he walked off going to be one of those days. I’m so over my head. If I help are doing something I think is good Colton is mad, If I say no Colton is mad. He was happy with breakfast, I got three different kinds of cereal at Allsups yesterday and sure none of them are good for you.
Friday has always been town day for us to resupply big items ask Colton if he wanted to go he He said dad have school which means see Casey. I mean after school no. I don’t anything .
Guess just I didn’t want to go alone shopping is hard without her hell shopping for groceries is the worst job in the world. Planning meals is no better. Who knew?? There was a whole world going on around me, I never knew Carey took care of and then still put up with me and that bullhead boy
Me: get your heavy jacket its 18 today
Colton: I think it’s in my locker
Me: why is it at school
Colton: I don’t know
Me: don’t you have one in the horse trailer
Colton: I don’t know can you go look for me
Me: * (thinking do not do it not worth it) * No you can get dressed and put on my
jacket and go look
Colton: fine (as he puts on my jacket wearing shorts,no shirt,no shoes and walks out the door)
He comes back with his Jacket and says I thought it was in my locker at school. How do you not know what is in your locker? I mean this is a heavy winter jacket.
Me: get dressed and I will take you to the bus stop so you can stay warm
Colton comes out of his room
Colton: Can you just take me on to school, I can get there early
Me: ok, I know the bus will be cold
Colton walks out of his room carrying his jacket, shirt, belt, two pairs of socks, his boot,
iPad, and a notebook out the door to the truck he goes
Colton: I’m ready
I get in the truck
Me: think it would have been easier to get dressed in your room
Colton: I don’t want to be late
Me: it’s 6:30am it’s only a 45 min. drive school starts at 8:15
Colton: I forgot the bus takes longer.
Me: so what’s the plan
Colton: we could stop and get donuts and you could drink coffee
And there it is he wanted donuts and hang out at the coffee shop he always came
with me on Saturday to the coffee shop, but since Carey passed, I haven’t been going
So he walked me around the block to get there.
I guess his routine has really changed in the last two months and 4 days. maybe I need to be more aware of that.