Tanzimat in Moving Into a New Nest
- May 22, 2014, 10:29 p.m.
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- Public
Tanzimat is the term given to the attempt to modernize and reform the Ottoman Empire in the mid-nineteenth century. The empire was backward in science and technology, weak politically and militarily, and increasingly finding itself falling vastly behind the European powers. While well -intentioned, simply changing the nature of an empire was no easy task, and it was much easier to discuss changes than actually implement them, which led to its failure.
This is the position I find myself in, one of needing to change, but not knowing exactly how to go about it. A lot of it is in regards to work. I need to become better organized, to know when to anticipate problems, fix said problems before they manifest themselves, and communicating to the correct people on how to improve orders (retail) and follow through on completion. This is not always easy when communication is something I actively avoid. I'm ridiculously shy and communication is a struggle for me, for my whole life really. Let me be, I can get pretty much everything done that depends on me and me alone. The problem is relying and talking to other people to get them to do what I want them to do. There is no real training at my job. Shockingly little. I was trained for a week by my predecessor, who had one foot out the door, and only taught me one level of the job, not the more important analytical level. It is not my intent to be stuck at this level, but to step up the ladder, I need to succeed here first.
The other part is personal. Friendships are shaky oftentimes because I can go long periods without even saying hi, whether in person or text. I don't even realize it sometimes, because I am generally perfectly able to entertain myself just fine, though it gets lonely occasionally. This is less a concern now, but occasionally rears its head, as I'm faced with a paradox that I often tire out and am not fond of frequent social gatherings, but I need something sometimes, whether a hi, a Facebook comment, or something that says "I'm thinking of you" that I feel I do not always get as often as I'd like.
I'm not depressed or sad or anything. I am very much loved by those who matter most, and am shown it every day in ways that matter very much to me. I have to go back months before I can think the last time I drank wine because I was sad, and I've actually drank a lot less since I started dating Jen. I do know though, that I need to modify myself to fit the world I wish to live in, the one I have one foot in while one foot in back in that safe place on the couch. Hopefully my Tanzimat will be successful.
Deleted user ⋅ May 23, 2014
Me, too.