This Used to be Cathartic... in Life |2021|
- Oct. 18, 2021, 10:39 p.m.
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- Public
I used to spend so much of my time here, writing about what was going on in my life. I believe it was cathartic, a way to release the thoughts tumbling through my mind. I’m not sure why I ever stopped, life has a funny way of getting away from you. And those little things you used to take for granted, like midnight ramblings on an open forum through your online diary, hoping to get some relief from the words in your head....
Things are hard. My mind is not a happy place, and it hasn’t been for a while. And it fucking terrifies me. The days I spend wishing I wasn’t alive outweigh the days that I am content with life. And it’s not that I want to end things myself…I just don’t want to exist.
And, I know that I need to seek help. That there are resources out there for this, for me. But, pieces of me don’t care enough, while others tell me to get it together - things are not that bad, and the fear of reaching out and the annoyance with myself over my inability to help myself.... It’s just this constant cycle.
So, after a mini-meltdown as I got ready for bed, I resurrected this outlet with hopes that I’ll find a way to cope, to continue moving forward. And I hope to share the good days so that the next time I find myself in this dark place I have that reminder that it is all temporary.
xx Shea
Last updated October 18, 2021
Jigger ⋅ October 18, 2021
I know that not wanting to exist. For me, that was depression. That was an overwhelming feature. Help is necessary, and until you get it, outlets and relief valves like this are essential.
Gonewiththebreeze ⋅ October 20, 2021
It’s refreshing to see you write but I am so sorry that you’re feeling so low <3 if you can reach out to someone please do!