Break in Welcome

I seriously need to get back on posting Italy pictures, but I'm not feeling it today. This was the Longest Week Evar, compounded by the fact that I had precious few out-of-the-office events to attend and no one was calling/emailing me back, and I had fuck-all to do but stare at a computer screen all day every day trying to find things to fill the hours.

The. Worst.

Did I tell you guys that I got a job? I graduated December 14, interviewed December 31, and was hired January 13. Not too shabby. Except the part where the HR guy kept hounding me for a copy of my degree and I was all like "DUDE. I GRADUATED 30 SECONDS AGO AND THEN THERE WAS CHRISTMAS BREAK AND IT IS GOING TO TAKE 6-8 WEEKS AFTER THAT BEFORE THEY EVEN MAIL THAT GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKER." Shit. Is it my fault that I got hired so fast? NO IT IS NOT. Unless you blame me for being awesome? More like lucky. It helps to have a friend who is all like my company is hiring so you need to send me your resume right now [midnight on a Sunday] so I can sneak you in for an interview. Um, okay.

So I'm doing HIV prevention education now, and my official title is Prevention Specialist. I almost always have a bag of dildos in my car, frequently have lube in my hair, have become extremely comfortable in detention facilities, and get to say "dick" and "pussy" in the normal course of doing my job. BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO SPEAK IN THE LANGUAGE OF THE PEOPLE. I have also HIV tested a porn star, because this is my life now. Except the weeks where I've met all of my monthly contract goals before mid-month even hits, have enough shit scheduled to knock next month out of the park as well, and nobody feels like it's super urgent to call a bitch back and schedule things for July. And I can't even kill time on FB because they monitor internet usage and whatnot. Those commie bastards. In case you couldn't tell, I kind of love my job, except for the office politics part, which is going to be an issue pretty much everywhere for the rest of time, so I don't even let it get to me. The good news is that my (super ineffective and slightly-over-the-borderline incompetent) director stepped down a few weeks ago and they've decided that they might not replace him because the team is pretty self motivated. Which made a micro-managing director with no management OR prevention experience a real pain in the ass. But that's all in the past now and we just go to the VP with issues when they come up. Easy peasy.

Oh, and I get a real life grown-up salary, which I vaguely remember from a billion years ago and which affords me tiny luxuries like magical eye surgery. I had LASIK last Friday, and now I just have 20/20 vision (they said 20/15 at my follow-up yesterday but I was really working hard to see that bottom line). NO MORE EFFING GLASSES MOTHER EFFERS! I can do things I never dreamed possible, like buying sunglasses and seeing my legs while shaving them. Of course, my eyes are dry...the major/normal side effect of the surgery which should work itself out in a month or two. It mostly feels like it's been a long day and I need to take out my contacts, which is hilarious because I haven't been able to wear contacts in years and now I will never need them again. Win. The world is a glorious place, and I am super stoked that I don't have to endure another Florida summer without sunglasses. I never could find any in the prescription variety that I liked, anyway.

Let's see, what else...Key West next weekend? Michelle's stepsister is in Cannes right now for the film festival/to elope with her man-child-lover who something something film studio here in the area. Part owner? Managing elf-in-charge? Not important. Relevant is that they are hobnobbing with celebs, or at least ogling them from afar, in FRANCE for Christ's sake. I think they technically got married last week, but we're doing a Key West Bachelorette Party Extravaganza Weekend and then they've rented out their favorite bar for a post-nuptial celebration for the last weekend of the month. I'm taking Friday off (thank you, baby Jesus, for paid vacations) and Monday is a holiday (thank you also, BJ, for paid holidays) so I'm VERY much looking forward to a four day weekend.

Okay, I think that's enough for now. I'm hungry and need to start thinking about dinner. It's either gonna be balsamic glazed portobellos with kale and chick peas, or tiny stuffed bell peppers. I can't decide. I really want to be lazy and just order pizza, but I spent a billion doll hairs on groceries yesterday so we probably need to eat the damn food we already own.

Bye!