The End. in Pretty sure he hates me

Well the long anticipated talk about the status of our relationship happened last night. Its over as I assumed it was, he literally begged me for a divorce. Said I don’t need to move out right away but that the divorce should happen as soon as it can. He claims he doesnt hate me but I know he does, I wish this was easy for me. His words cut through me they brought me to my knees I just don’t know how im going to live with him knowing he is not mine, maybe im the crazy one.
He claims he still loves me but that he is hurt and he just doesnt trust me. I don’t blame him for leaving me I really don’t. I knew it would happen sooner or later I just wish I wasn’t so in love with him when it happened. Now I have to figure out how im going to pretend I don’t love him or want to be near him. Like how does he do it so easily? I try to pretend he doesnt exist but he does he is my whole world.
Now I just sound like a dumb desperate woman who is clearly married to someone who no longer wants her. Im torn from trying to work it out because I do love him or just taking my losses because I am the only one wanting this, and my head knows which one I need to do I just need my heart to follow along. I know im not a terrible person and I also deserve to be happy and in turn be with someone who also wants to fight to keep me in their lives. This Is by far the hardest decision I have ever had to make.