Soon couldn't get here any sooner. in 2021

I’m back in my happy place; a cozy bed with fresh linens, the softest blanket I own, and the dark void of a fluffy black cat nestled by my feet. The dim lighting in here coupled with the crackling of an overpriced ‘fireside’ scented candle and the faux thunderstorm sounds coming from my smart home speaker only add to the gentle lull that puts me into the mood to write something - anything. A mood I haven’t been in for awhile.

‘Where to begin?’ I think to myself as I shuffle my tabs around, a mix of University-related tabs, vacation e-documents, and a random google search for what hollandaise sauce actually is. ‘Delicious. That’s what it is.’

I’m counting down the days until I’m in paradise, sailing through the Bahamas, and Virgin Islands. I’ve only ever seen the ocean twice, so the thought of the vast, open sea is exciting. I’ve seen the mountains even fewer times. It makes me wonder how the Midwest managed to get the short end of the stick. We have farmland, tornados, mega-churches, and republicans as our natural splendor. Though, it helps to know where to look to find beauty. The small town I grew up in is beautiful in autumn, with it’s dense forests near the lake. The trees look like a painting there, when they’ve changed from their summery green to various darker shades that mimic the overpriced fall-scented candles that I can’t keep my hands off of. I’m not sure what ‘sweater weather’ is supposed to smell like, per se, but I’m here for it.

All of this packing, however, has me wondering why my priorities also have travel and new experiences listed so low. Life happens, and lessons do too - sure as the sun continues to rise and set again. ‘Divorce was hard.’ My consciousness reminds me, and I’m quick to be kinder to myself. Finding yourself again after you’ve lost yourself within someone else is hard, too. These words sound sad, but they’re really just a means of reflecting on how far I’ve come in the last two years. I’m my own person now! My own, living, breathing, person with my own likes, dislikes, dreams, and preferences on whether or not pineapple should actually be a pizza topping. The thought is exciting, and liberating, and new - even still. I’m excited to take myself places, and experience things as ‘myself’. My own person with the freedom of choice and to see the world how I choose.

Soon, I will be lucky enough to see the sea without a dark cloud hanging over me. I’m excited to see it through my new eyes.

Soon couldn’t get here any sooner.

Last updated October 12, 2021