Am I real? in To not be here

I’m here but I’m not here. I don’t feel as though this is my own body, my own soul, my own mind, and everything else that’s supposed to make me feel at home with myself. I hate the feeling of my skin, the way it feels when I touch my own cheeks and face, I hate touching my own hands and arms and thighs. They don’t even feel like mine at all. The own mind voice I have in my head is annoying, enough to make me extremely irritated for the rest of the day. Even now I can hear her speaking, telling me and repeating every word I’m writing. I hate the way she makes me feel and the way she makes me react to certain things. I hate seeing myself in the mirror all the time, not because I hate the way I look, or the way my body looks. It’s only because don’t look like myself at all. I’m a stranger to myself. I don’t understand any part of me.

Last updated September 25, 2021