This is more for myself rather than other people, but I don’t mind if someone else decides to read. Its really just a way to being able to vent. So, here I go, I suppose.
Im really nervous about the potential job. Ill have to change my look for sure, and im worried that if I get a very sudden interview I wont be entirely prepared. I dont want to have to dye my hair a natural color, hide my piercing, or buy new clothes on the dot, but I wont have any other choices. I need the money. My main hope is that Ill at least have a couple days to prepare.
I also hope the new job treats me well, if I get it. I know its nervous to get a new job, and that im not alone, but this is a whole different field for me. Ive never worked this type of thing before, and since im still so young (19), its going to be very odd. I dont have a lot of experience with most other normal jobs as is. Ive worked at a grocery store before, and most recently as a live-in nanny, but this is going to be a whole different ballpark. Ive honestly never even had a proper interview before. The grocery store’s owner knew me personally, so when she hired me over the phone she even claimed she was going to skip the interview altogether. My most recent job, the nanny one, was for my older half-sister, so of course there wasnt an interview there either.
Im also nervous about my personal relationships. My friends have been moving away, and while im proud of them all, I miss them dearly. I suppose im scared of what a lot of people are: being alone.
Im pretty independent and good about enjoying my own personal time, but at the same time, I like being able to hang out with them and get my socialization in.
This one im having a hard time trying to come to terms with, but im not so sure me and my partner are compatible. But at the same time I dont want to do something rash that I’ll regret. I dont want to just end it to realize I was in the wrong. Im a very impulsive person, which Im working on, and just need to find the motivation to stand my ground and put some time behind my big decisions.
Ive been struggling with the loss of my friend. Shes gone too soon, and I wish I had a chance to say goodbye. Im not the only one struggling, but im still at a loss. Plus all my family being in and out of the hospital? 2021 has not been kind to me. I hope it turns around. I hope the new potential job is a good fit, that I can figure things out for myself, and that my (and those around me) luck gets better. I also hope this journaling type thing helps. Good luck to everyone around, and thank you if youve cared to read. Like I said, im primarily doing this for myself, but if this helps someone out there feel less alone in their struggles, then even better.
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