It’s been a minute since my last entry!
I have been busy though. Between weekly therapy, and driving test preparation, I actually feel like I am progressing.
I might have no job at the moment but I won’t let that define me. I am learning to fight my anxiety issues, one therapy session at a time. I am putting in hard work even if it doesn’t outwardly seem so. It is after all, an invisible battle.
Have you ever begun to question your path in life? Or even feel as if the original path taken on the road that brought you to where you are now might not have been the correct one? I speak specifically in a career/educational sense. I was caught between culinary school or science. I chose science. Now I am wondering if a life in food is not the better choice for me.
It might be time to make my own path. That does sound awfully scary, and an awful lot of hard work which I can only hope I would be capable of.
I have to remember that I’m not at the mercy of life. I can make my own way in the world. What or who have I to answer to? Okay, obviously I mean to adhere to the lawful and honest side of life, that is a given. I just mean I don’t need to fear punishment for doing life my way. I always felt that I must get my degree, must complete a masters, must gain a PhD., but why? For who? To what gain?
Was it ever for me? Or was it always a means to get recognition, a pat on the back, or even a “You are smart, and so capable. I am proud of you.”. My gut tells me its the latter. I’ve always wanted to be told I made someone proud.
It shouldn’t matter if I make my parents, or sisters, or nieces and nephews, proud but deep inside of me I crave it. I wonder if it was said to me, would I believe it? Most likely not.
To me, my past accomplishments mean very little. Why? Because I am a perfectionist. There is always room for Be Better, Be More.
And there we see the root of all bothers. Be Better Be More. It’s a failsafe. It will always lead me to discontent. There will always be More that could be achieved.
I don’t know if any path in life, self made or otherwise, will ever result in contentment when there’s a Perfectionist rooted inside me, like a rotted tooth.
I need to pull it out.
Loading comments...