O brother, where art thou? in My Unpredictable Life ...

"You are like my own personal siren song, you know that?" he says to her as he walks up to the desk.

"How so?" she replies as she looks up from her computer.

"I'm attracted to you. I shouldn't be. I don't want to be. Yet, here we are." says our friendly neighborhood sniper.

"The day just got started. Finish your coffee and I'm sure you will see me in a different light." she says as she points to his coffee cup.

While running his finger around the logo on the desk, he looks up and stares into her eyes, "I'm serious. There is just something about you, I can't get you out of my head."

"I have some Advil or Tylenol that might help that headache if you want?" she says as she starts looking in cabinets under the desk.

Laughing, he tells her, "See, there you go again, digging yourself deeper. Every time you open your mouth, I just want to reach across this desk and kiss you."

"Dude. It's 4:07 am. How much did you have to drink last night?" she says as she raises an eyebrow at him.

"I don't drink. I told you that already." he says in a serious tone.

Looking back at her computer monitor, she tells him, "Well. Sounds like you need to go back to bed and finish sleeping this craziness off."

Going back to tracing the logo on the desk with his finger, he quietly says, "Don't worry. I will never act on this. Out of respect to my fellow Brother in Arms, I would never overstep my bounds with his wife. I just wanted to let you know what's what." He then lifts his head, captures her eyes and with a somber voice he says, "And to warn you to never be alone with me. I will respect the hell out of you, but I am a man, and I only have so much self control. And I really, really want to kiss you."

She stands there, quietly, trying to process the words that just came out of his mouth.

"Damnit! I knew I should have kept my big mouth shut. I'm sorry if I am making you uncomfortable. This conversation went so much better in my head" he says in a frustrated voice while rubbing his hand across his shaven scalp.

"Maybe you should take up drinking. Or drugs. Or start talking to dead people. That way conversations like this will make more sense" she replies with, hoping to lighten the mood.

Walking away from the desk, he puts his hands in his pocket, and stops to stare at her. "I'm sorry. Like I said, this went way better in my head. Not that I thought you would jump across this desk and we'd fall to the floor making love, but at least in my head you weren't looking at me like I had grown two heads. Which, I have, by the way, but you just can't see it with my hands in my pockets, thank goodness." he tells her.

With her eyes round as saucers, and the need to stop this conversation before it goes any further, she admonishes him, "Dude! See, now you have lost your damn mind! Go back to bed and sleep this crazy shit off. I don't even know why we are having this conversation. People be acting like I have time for all this foolishness and crazy shit. Maybe I should take up drinking or drugs if you crazy ass shits won't do it" she mumbles to herself as she walks away, heading into the back office.

"Sassy? SASSY?" he yells.

"What?!" she yells back from the back office.

"Come here, please. Just ... please, come here for a minute."

"Yes sir?" she says as she stops in the doorway and crosses her arms over her chest.

"I'm promise you I will never mention this again. I didn't mean to upset you. I give you my solemn vow, I will never act upon my feelings towards you. Please don't hate me or think differently of me" he implores.

"Fine. This conversation never happened. You dare to speak of this again and I will box the hell out of you. It would be one thing if we were sitting in a bar and I could tell you to go play with yourself or something. But Dude! This is my job! I am not at liberty to respond in a manner I normally would without fear of losing my paycheck. You keep your crazy ass thoughts to yourself and I won't get myself fired. Are we clear? " she tells him.

Coming to full military attention, he salutes her and says, "Yes Ma'am! Anything you say, Ma'am!"

Trying not to laugh, she replies, "At ease, Soldier. Now go get ready for work so we can put this foolishness behind us."

"Thank you. From now on I will just undress you with my eyes from afar" he says as he walks away towards his guest room.

"Ha! Don't make me come across this desk and make you wish you were back on the front lines in Iraq! I won't hesitate to bust a sweat on your crazy ass!" she yells down the hallway to him.

And this is one of many reasons why I feel compelled to drink at 9 O'clock in the morning most days ...