Done in 2021

Last week, we went to Virginia to bury my mom’s cremains. I was worried that I would forget the urn (she’s been in my living room for the past few months) and I must have vocalized that more than I realized, because two or three people texted me the day we were getting ready to leave reminding me to put her in the car - ha!

We drove up on Wednesday, and were the first to arrive at the AirBnB that night. Husband and I brought the kids, but my sister and my brother were just bringing their spouses, so we decided to rent one big house for all of us to share. It was lovely, four bedrooms and three bathrooms with two living areas and a well-stocked kitchen. The only annoyance was that I forgot my pillow, I’m a bit of a pillow snob so I have a hard time getting comfortable with strange pillows - but I managed to get some decent sleep anyhow.

Thursday morning, my sister and her husband flew in from Florida. They rented a car and got to the house around 11am. We all went down to the Metro station and headed into DC for some light sightseeing. I had learned earlier in the week that the Smithsonian museums are starting to open up again but require a timed entry reservation, and the only one I was able to get a reservation for was the Museum of the American Indian, so we headed there at 1pm. Sister and I loved it, everyone else was kind of bored and hangry (we told them to eat before we went, but does anyone listen?!). After a few hours, we found a place for late lunch/early dinner and ate, and then everyone was happier so we went for a walk on the Mall. We saw the infamous white squirrel, admired all the museums we couldn’t get into, and even saw the presidential motorcade at one point. That evening, I had booked us on an open-top bus tour to see a bunch of monuments. We got good seats, and got to see more of DC than we would have otherwise, but the bus was fairly dirty and only half of our headsets worked so we had to share. Overall, it was a good day but everyone was wicked tired and a bit grumpy afterward. I found out later that my sister and her husband had been arguing before they left Florida, so that explained some of the tension, but my broken brain assumed it was my fault because I had made all of the arrangements for the day. I really hate my brain sometimes.

When we got back to the house, it was after 10pm and my brother and his wife were there. They had actually arrived around 5pm, I knew he was flying in from Nevada (she had come in earlier to see her sister, who lives in the area) so I thought they were arriving later or I would have invited them on our outing - but it was just as well, We all stayed up talking until nearly midnight, and then crashed.

Friday we had to be at the cemetery at 1pm, so we lounged around in the morning. The vast majority of us are not morning people, with the exception of my son (who has learned not to talk to me until I’ve had coffee) and my sister’s husband (who is learning, but is still new to the family). Anyhow, we eventually all got ready and headed out - it was about a 45 minute drive to the cemetery. We arrived, and a few other people met us there - my godmother and her two kids (the oldest is my sister’s best friend from high school, they lived across the street from us when I was growing up) and my brother’s wife’s sister and her husband (they’ve been married since 1984, so we know her family pretty well). It’s a military cemetery, so my brother (a retired Marine) had made all the arrangements, but it turns out that checking the box that says you want a chaplain does not guarantee that you will actually have one turn up. I ended up reading a poem and the obituary at the burial pavilion, and then my brother said a prayer, and then we invited people to share memories. Then we went to the graveside and actually watched as they interred her urn with my dad. I didn’t think I would be particularly emotional, but my daughter was crying so I shed a few tears as well. Plus I’m always emotional when I’m there with my dad. He’s been gone for nearly 18 years, but the older I get the more I realize what a tragedy it is that he died at 70. My sister is 60 and I can’t imagine losing her in ten more years, it still seems so young!

After the burial, we headed to a restaurant about half an hour away. I’d found it online, the menu looked interesting and they let us reserve the loft for our group, so we hoped it would be nice. It was EXCELLENT! Great food, lots of drinks. We spent several hours there, and all agreed we’d definitely visit again next time any of us are in the area.

The next day, we left my teenagers at the house (at their request, they were done listening to old stories) and the six adults piled into a minivan and drove around for hours. We went to the graveyard where my grandparents are buried. I really need to get something nice for their graveside next time I’m up there, other people have decorated outside the mausoleums with little statues or other garden-type decor. It will probably be a few years before I go back, I hope I remember. After that, we drove to the house where my grandmother lived (so many memories!), then the house we grew up in (until we moved to Florida when I was ten), and the schools my siblings went to. We walked through the park near my grandmother’s house, talked about so many things we remember. It was really exceptional, and a little sad because I realized it’s likely the last time the three of us will be together in that part of the world. I also felt the absence of our estranged brother, but that’s his choice, so I try not to dwell on it. It was a lovely way to pass a day.

That evening, we sat outside the house and drank wine and ate cheese and talked about our family trip to Disney that we’re taking after Christmas this year. We’ve got a lot of details sorted, I’m really excited about it. My oldest nephew has a new girlfriend he’s pretty serious about, my brother and his wife are encouraging him to bring her on this trip and I hope he does - she looks like fun and I can’t wait to meet her!

Sunday we piled into the car and drove home. I love spending time with my family, but it was a LOT of togetherness, so it was nice to get home to our house where it’s just the four of us. The dogs were ridiculously happy to see us, and this week it was back to business as usual.