Nojomo 5 in NoJoMo

As the more observant amongst you have no doubt spotted, the ‘No’ stands for November and it is now currently June. But for the purpose of encouraging me and just being generally impressed that I came back and didn’t give up on writing altogether like I usually do, we’re going to ignore the half year gap and pretend that last entry was yesterday.
Today’s prompt:
How important is having a routine to you?
Good question. And definitely one which anyone who isn’t neurotypical (or any half decent parent for that matter) will have plenty to say about.
For the most part, I need routine. Left to my own devices, and no matter how grand and fantastical my plans might be, I have a tendency to while away many hours doing absolutely nothing other than run my phone battery down. Now whether or not that is beneficial in it’s own right is something the jury is still out on in my case, but my gut feeling is that there are probably many more beneficial things I could be doing to recharge my own mental batteries that would feel a damn sight more rewarding than just wasting away staring at a phone. But I digress.
Regardless of whether doing a certain amount of internet perusing is helpful to me or not, wasting an entire day on it definitely isn’t. Before H, weekend after weekend rolled by that way. Though I think we all need time when we switch off and have a duvet day or two, spending absolutely no quality time with my son for months on end wasn’t good for either of us. That’s not to say he resented it. He is just as qualified at wasting time staring at a screen as his Mother and he’d never complain but I think after a time, it starts to leave you feeling hollow and unfulfilled and even he could identify something of that feeling in himself.
Of course, what I’m really saying there is that on my weekends, it’s not so much about having a routine as it is about having a purpose for the day. Or maybe, if I’m really honest here, it’s about having someone else in my life with purpose who will chivvy me along. I’d love to be this self sufficient bad ass feminist who doesn’t need anyone else but what has been dawning on me rather abruptly recently is that I am a very very long way from that, however much I might wish I wasn’t. Still, my reliance on others is a subject for another time and definitely something I have begun to consider quite a bit of late so worth exploring properly in it’s own right.
Weekends need to be less structured as the antithesis to the enforced routine of the week. The problem with routines, is that the ones inflicted on us are not necessarily the ones we require. I am forced to go to bed early because I have to get up so ridiculously early for work. I have to get up early for work in part due to covid forcing a lot of schools to open their doors far earlier so that children arrive in school in waves. I need to arrive with enough time to wrap my head around the plan for the day, have a piss and as a luxury, maybe find the time to make myself a coffee. I also need 2 minutes to get my shit together before the doors are thrown open and I have to play the role of Capable Competent Supply Teacher. I like that role, for what it’s worth, but it does go better if I have had a mental run up.
Obviously, being in different, often unfamiliar schools and year groups and never knowing from day to day if I will have a phone call at 6:50am or have no work at all, is anything but routine. And I’m not going to pretend there aren’t times of mild anxiety waiting to see if the phone rings or doesn’t. I imagined I’d be worrying about not having work for the day but in truth very often I’m relieved if 8:30 rolls around and no one has called. But the amount of anxiety that generates is a far cry from the overwhelming dread and panic I felt day to day as a full time teacher at my previous school. And, once those doors are open, I soon fall into the part of teacher because my lines are pretty well rehearsed and one school is actually not all that dissimilar in routine and structure to another.
Still though, getting up that early is not really helpful for me, just an occupational hazard. I am fairly convinced that the best thing for me is to go to bed around 11pm and wake up around 7:30 with an hour to bumble about.
Bumbling time is pretty important for me. I forget things when I rush or panic. I need to feel I am preparing for the day at my leisure. I never feel like that on a weekday as a teacher. I cling to the bedsheets far beyond a time that is wise and then rush around madly trying to make up for it at the last minute. None of that is good for me. And going to bed at 9:30 or 10 is simply something I have to do to prevent me from being a zombie the next day.
Even supply teaching is incredibly tiring (which makes me wonder how I ever managed all of the extra workload that comes with being a permanent member of staff) so not getting enough sleep isn’t an option. But I’m certain I wasn’t meant to be in bed at night or awake in the morning so bloody early. Unfortunately though, the only way I am in a position to start or end the day when I’d actually like to, is when I am off for the holidays or it’s the weekend and there again, I am left to my own devices and phone zombie time takes over.

Last updated June 25, 2021