The negative repercussions of desires and attachments in Daydreaming on the Porch
- May 25, 2021, 12:37 p.m.
- |
- Public
Longing to be elsewhere, our minds settle on the belief that the current moment is never enough, we’re not enough, or we can’t do enough, it’s all so empty. The problem with this kind of thinking: When the awaited event does occur, happiness may not come with it. This motive of trying to fix the current moment leaves you in a perpetual cycle of dissatisfaction.
From Uncovering Happiness: Overcoming Depression with Mindfulness and Self-Compassion. by Elisha Goldstein
Recently, I’ve been projecting worries onto the future: health, aging, lack of contact with others, loneliness, not getting to the many books, I want to start reading, etc., and on and on. Then I find myself wasting time in the present feeling that my ego and self-esteem ride on how frequently my friends online and in person respond to my texts and emails. As the days, and even weeks tick away with no response, I begin to feel both dejected and rejected. Why can’t people be like me and respond in a timely fashion? Why are people so wrapped up in their own lives?
How absurd and immature, when I think about it. At my age I shouldn’t have egoistic calculations about others. They have their lives, I have mine. I shouldn’t envy their lives any more than I highly doubt they envy mine.
I will instead rejoice in the abilities and accomplishments I’m fortunate to have, focus on this beautiful, sunshine-filled day, read what I can, and be very grateful for life itself, and any incremental progress along my spiritual path.
Releasing ourselves from desires and attachments, and this is what I’m really referring to, is the best way to fully harness the immense energy within us, for our good and those of others. When we are fixated on our perceived needs, we always feel lacking some thing or some person who will fulfill our needs. It’s all an illusion and greatly hinders our spiritual progress and our ability to live in the precious moments of the “now.” What do we really need? Certainly not more and more of this and that.
ConnieK ⋅ May 25, 2021
VERY healthy approach!
Oswego ConnieK ⋅ May 25, 2021
It’s also typically idealistic of me and some real wishful thinking in there. But I like to at least aim high! :)
ConnieK Oswego ⋅ May 25, 2021
Buddy, you stay optimistic. It's the side that brings good things.
Telstar ⋅ May 25, 2021
ALWAYS have something to look forward to......................
Oswego Telstar ⋅ May 25, 2021
Wise words, indeed!
Deleted user ⋅ May 25, 2021
Goes back to Matthew McConaughey's presentation on finding happiness. But I will add that depending on one's life situation, one may be overwhelmed with the stuff of one's own life to respond quickly these days. I know a lot of parents who are overjoyed that their kids are going back to school so that they can have peace and quiet at home, not only in which to work, but in which they can take a breather and catch up on correspondence friends. So definitely don't take it personally. And don't assume others don't envy your life. I don't want to wish the next 15 years of my life away, but whenever you or a few others here on PB write about the lovely places you go and the things you do with your days in your retirement, you betcha I wish I had that kind of freedom!
Oswego Deleted user ⋅ May 25, 2021
Well, the reason I tend to take it personally is because I have expectations of others that are too high. I value friendship enough to hope that certain protocols are followed by others, as I do myself. I know, I know... I’m a hopeless idealist!
But yes, you are right. I have a lot of time on my hands this past year for the first time in my life. I definitely would not trade this freedom for anything. :)
Telstar Deleted user ⋅ May 25, 2021
Matthew McConaughey? The next governor of Texas?
Jinn ⋅ May 25, 2021
For me the lack of seeing other people socially in real life and going out places is what I miss the most . I could go out more if I made myself but I need new friends. We do not socialize mutually . Frank has his friends and I had mine. He still has his but mine all moved away , died , or I have one left who is very ill and home bound. I need to work or volunteer but it’s hard with my spine to be reliable . Still if I really miss socializing like I think I do ; I need to take action. I read quite a bit and watch movies or series too much. I would actually like to use that time to concentrate on writing but I seldom go there. That is another goal of mine. So many goals and only so much time.... :-)
Kristi1971 Jinn ⋅ May 25, 2021
What if you joined a book club? That would be a sure way to find other people who share your interesting in books and reading. :)
Jinn Kristi1971 ⋅ May 25, 2021
You know ; I do not think we have any book clubs that I know of . Midwesterners are not known for their friendliness , I am afraid. It may be that I am not in the know enough but I have never heard of any book clubs or writing groups here. . We have one bookstore; a small Barnes and Nobles .They might know of something. I will have to check .I think I would like a writing group more than a book club as my reading taste is quite eclectic. I also thought about inquiring about volunteering at an animal shelter.
Kristi1971 Jinn ⋅ May 26, 2021
Do you like cats? At our local animal shelter, they have a volunteer position called "cat cuddler". Basically, you spend time petting the kitties and playing with them. With your back, I'd probably be cautious of any of the dog things. Not a bad idea, though! You get to pet kitties AND socialize. :)
Jinn Kristi1971 ⋅ May 26, 2021
I love cats. I am hoping our rescue has something like that. :-)
Kristi1971 Jinn ⋅ May 26, 2021
That might be perfect! Other than showing up when they need you, it should be the least physical "job".
Oswego Jinn ⋅ May 26, 2021
I’ve seen only my brother and the couple next door during the past 15 months. I’ve rarely ever done anything socially with friends since my last really close friendships were in the 70’s and early 80’s. In the resl world I’m pretty much a loner, but I reach out a ridiculous amount on the internet with constantly frustrating results. Moral of the story: everyone lives in their own little worlds! 🥺
Jinn Oswego ⋅ May 26, 2021
I am going to start looking ; to volunteer . I could read to kids at schools, help out at an animal rescue , volunteer at a hospital , something to get me out around other people again. :-) . I hope I will make new friends but I will be helping too .
Kristi1971 ⋅ May 25, 2021
Yes! The now is the only chance you have to experience life. The past has already happened and the future has not yet happened. We really only have the now. Right now. :)
Right now I'm writing to you while listening to two silly girls who are in their bedroom and cannot seem to settle down for the night. I kind of giggle. They have all day to act this silly, but they seem to choose bedtime to pull it off LOL.
Oswego Kristi1971 ⋅ May 26, 2021
That’s probably because they know their mama gets such a kick out of them a acting silly at night! Hehe
mcbee ⋅ May 26, 2021
I am trying to grab meaning and joy with each day I have left, but I will admit it is difficult having just a few close friends to share conversation or time together with. I am constantly working on forcing myself out more because my natural inclination is to stay home and live life on the internet, which is becoming more and more unhealthy. I have this thing about home being a safe space, but the world does not care that I feel that way.