theres a rainbow after every storm in I was only 12...

My first attempt was when I was just 14 years old. I was home alone in my closet and there was a rope and some pills. I was going to do it, I was going to end my life, but right there at that very moment, something told to me stop, so I just froze. No tears, no more headaches, I was so numb. All I could think about is that no one would miss me anyway and everyone’s day would just go on the same even if I were gone.
Then, it was like there was a mini angel on my left shoulder and a mini devil on my right shoulder. The devil on my shoulder was telling me to do it, no one cares about me, no one would miss me if I were gone, everyone would be happier, “just do it” ‘you’d be better off dead” just kept repeating over and over again in my head. The angel was different though, it told me I’m way too young to want to end my life at such a young age. I shouldn’t do it because I would cause so much pain to all of my family, everyone would miss me so much and I’m worth way more than I know.
I spent the rest of that day in my room, alone. I didn’t eat for a few days after my attempt and I didn’t even get out of bed those following days. I was just so numb, so confused and I felt as if I was a puppet and my depression was controlling my life, I couldn’t control myself anymore.
However, The angel was right, those bad chapters in my life don’t end my story, I just have to continue reading. To this day, 4 years later, I’m so glad and so grateful to be alive. If I was to let my battle of depression win, who would find me there dead? How much trauma would I have then caused them to have? I didn’t want to put that on any of my family, especially my younger siblings that look up to me.
At the age of 14, I was just caught up in a very dark storm but eventually, there was a rainbow, because there’s always a rainbow at the end of every storm. I’m now 18 years old. I believe that things do get better in time, it just takes time and patience. Life is short, make every second of it count. That’s what I realized as the years came and went.
I learned to never give up hope, never give up on yourself because it only makes you weaker. Everything will be worth it in the end. One day I’ll finally find my purpose in living. I’ll never speak out of anger, never make promises when happy and I’ll never make a permanent decision when I’m sad. The sadness is only temporary. Ending my life is permanent. This is the reason I chose to stay and chose not to end my life because there’s always a rainbow after every storm.