may 4 in twenty-seven

Happy Star Wars day...

Chris is being very frustrating for the moment. We are in the process of selling the house and it's going fine in my mind and not so fine in his. I've mentioned it before, but basically he can't fathom why not every single person who walks into the house wants to buy it. So he's spazzing and getting upset irrationally (last week he sent a pretty scathing email to our realtors telling them this was all their fault. They handled it pretty well considering how ridiculous it was).

Anyhow, today he texted me and decided, after "giving it a lot of thought", it would be best for me to move back into the house once my lease was up. Actually, let me just quote his texts because I don't think I can convey how insane he really is except via direct quotes.

Him: Have you given any thought to what your plans would be assuming the house does not sell in terms of your current lease? If it us up in August would possibly consider taking full ownership of the house (basicly give me a small property settlement) and then do with the house whatever you would like. It could be a decent option if you did not want to have to pay both rent and half mortgage and you could live here for however long yo uwanted then could turn around sell the house at a price you wanted and keep the entirety of the profit...just a thought. If you are completely opposed to it for various reasons I understand but I guess I am thinking worse case situation if we can not find a buyer under the current arrangement. [sic]

Me: Do you have a place lined up already or something? Do you need out? I had planned on going month to month on my lease until I could buy my own house.

Him: Right but my thought is if this drags on for awhile that it might be a better option in that you can afford it and then could do what you felt best with it. Including live in it until you found the place you want to buy. I would be willing to take less than what might get staying on the mortgage and you would get to keep all the profit obviously when you decide to sell...and the reality is I do have a nice place lined up and for me and am really looking forward to moving on for a number of reasons. [sic]

Me: Well I could afford it but I wouldn't be able to afford to give you a payment on it until after it sold so either way I think it would have to stay on the market. I can think about it if it gets to that point...

Him: Ok and yeah I would be willing to wait until you sold it to get whatever we decided was the property settlement. If you decided 100% you were ok with it. Not sure how the details would work but just wanted to get your thoughts on that...if we did something like you taking me off the mortgage with a settlement, you could decide [things like upgrades and house price] on your own timeing since you have the luxury of being able to afford it. You would also not be throwing away money in rent. [sic]

Me: I'm just not sure.

Him: One of the benefits to you taking over the mortgage and living here is you could upgrade at your own pace and then sell it when you wanted, versus now where we pretty much have to spend alot of money or take reductions under the current arrangement. The more I think about it really might work out better for both of us for the reasons above. If you would be agreeable to that we could leave the house on the market at the current price and state till like end of the month then if no offers that workable then pull it off. Enjoy our summers then you take ownership with your lease is up and do whatever you would like on your own time and I would then be able to have things all set for myself at a set time. [sic]

Me: I'll have to think about it. Not to be rude but you don't know anything about my current situation, etc., so it's a lot to think about.

Anyhow, I think it's very rude. When we were drafting the settlement agreement, one of the options I presented to him was that I would refinance the home in my name and he would get to live there for half the cost of the mortgage, and when he moved out I'd get all the proceeds of the sale. He wouldn't have to gamble on losing any money. He didn't want anything to do with that offer and acted like I was trying to cheat him. Now that the financial situation of the house is a little uncertain, he's suddenly interested in unloading the home on me. I'm so frustrated! This doesn't benefit me in any way, it only benefits him. My guess is that he wants to propose to his girlfriend and wants to be able to put this whole situation behind him.

I'm guessing though he's not aware that this decision isn't entirely up to me, though. I have a roommate and he has a kid and that makes things complicated because it's a very long commute for him. Also, the bank would not let me simply refinance myself because I haven't been paying the entire mortgage for the last year myself. So it's really complicated. Also why should I have to be the one to make all the sacrifices? He gets to walk away with a "small settlement", whatever that is, and I have to take on the risk and burden of selling a home.

I'm just tired of it. I thought being divorced would make these things easier to deal with, but it's just making it harder. And I'm really bad at saying "no". So I feel stuck.

Any suggestions on how to deal with this where no one's feelings are hurt and everyone gets what they want? Yeah....