Waiting to ovulate. I have my 21 day prog. and my last appointment (for now) with the midwife next week :-( I know I will see them again, but I am so sad leaving their care, even if it is just for a little while. I was treated so differently there - they actually spent time with me and gave me a positive experience throughout my pregnancy and postnatal care even though the outcome was not what anyone expected or wanted. I am nervous about going to the fertility specialist - I am really afraid they will say or think negative things about me having a home birth or going to the birth center for my prenatal care. I know I did everything I could for Callum and no dr would have treated that pregnancy any differently than the birth center did. I was not "high risk" at the time and they did everything just as they should have. I had ultrasounds and blood work and tests, just as I would have with an obstetrician.
I also had a long discussion with Adam last night about what he expects the pregnancy and birth of our subsequent children will be like. I know we will both have more fear and anxiety going into it, but I am dreading the possibility of him assuming I will be completely against attempting a hands off or home birth. I do not want to give up the idea of having a more natural birth than what I would be allowed in a hospital. The birth center will take me if I make it to 37 weeks, I believe, which would be an option. Honestly, I would agree to be in a hospital if I could get a dr who would work with me and be as hands off as I would like them to be. I would love to birth without anyone near me other than Adam - dr could standby incase they are needed, but I do not want them "assisting" me. I recently watched a delivery (and a c-sect to) during my ob rotation and it was horrible! I could hardly contain my anger… the dr PULLED the cord forcibly until the placenta came out (only about 3 min after delivery of baby). She also cut cord as soon as baby came out and I know I would not be ok with that. I want all the comforts of a home birth in a hospital setting or I will not be ok with it. I know I will have my work cut out for me trying to find an open minded dr, but I also know Adam will be more comfortable if I am in the hospital. To me, it does not make sense, but I need to make him comfortable too. I got "my way" last time and even though the outcome was not anything that could have been controlled I did get my home birth experience and it was blissful. I loved every second of it and it gives me the peace I need to move forward. It is comforting to know that Callum was born in such a wonderful way and I will forever be grateful of that experience. I am probably just worrying over nothing. I know the baby will decide where and when he/she is born and I ultimately have very little control over that. I just needed to get those thoughts out. :-)
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