Cocaine and Abel (I) in Minor Fumbles

“The distance from the man that I am, to the man I want to be.
The time it takes to realize, time is the distance I need”

These first lines hit me when I heard them the first time. As if someone had put to words the things I was dwelling on the last year or so; time and distance. How much time would it be before I felt.. different..better? Maybe enough time that it itself became a distance.
I wanted to try something new, which in this case was trying.

“But I was born impatient..
And I was born unkind”

I’ve had a hard time in life with the struggle of things. I wanted to be good at something, and when I struggled at whatever it was, I made myself believe it was because I wasn’t good at the thing.
Which, of course, was true. How could I be automatically gifted at all of the things. Of course, this could only mean one thing then: I was good at none of the things. And why would I want to put effort into something that was good at none of the things?

“But I refuse to believe I have to be the same person I was born when I die
Because change is alright”

I spent most of these years insisting that everyone was lying to me when they told me I was good at a thing. How could they not see it? I was imposter. A high school graduate who barely made it out, a Bachelors Degree in English Literature even though I didn’t like reading books. Hell, I stopped short of finishing the classes needed to get my Teaching License, rendering that degree near useless.
If someone thought I was good or talented, they simply just didn’t know.

I was an imposter in a sea of successful people who actually did things. I’d like to think that, now, I’ve started the process of following through on the things I always felt I left by the wayside. The simplest way to prevent things from being added to the unrelenting, faulty, pile of incompletion, is to simply do them.

“Change is alright”

Last updated April 28, 2021