Feeling down and discouraged today. Discouraged in that the condos I have seen in my price range are few and snapped up in a matter of days. My house would probably sell that quick too but I need a place to go to. I will be a cash buyer and I have a nice amount saved but I need my house as collateral also so I applied for a line of credit and it looks good but will probably take between two and four weeks .
Down because I miss Jeff, even when I realize how for the past few years he never stopped having contact with her and yet led me and our counselor to believe that he was working on reconciling. It hurts to think he was that deceitful and of course I think he is having a contented life and a great love affair with her (my therapist wishes he had my crystal ball to see that). He no doubt feels bad that he hurt me but “life takes a funny turn sometimes “ and “it is what it is”.
Also down because I have texted a couple of people a few days ago and they never got back to me. My other friend is gone for the week at the shore and I was a bit disappointed that she didn’t think to invite me (we have talked about going somewhere but I guess not this time).
My son and his family went to Williamsburg, VA and I had asked if I could have come, not even to hang out with them but just to go and he said it was a family vacation.
My daughter just came back from Maine and i knew I couldn’t go with them because her partner’s grandmother is dying but I would have stayed in a hotel.
I don’t mean to sound whiney or needy but I just seem to be blocked in all my efforts. Right now I am limited in what I can do because of the operation so no bike riding, just walking. There is some house work I could do and other little things but I just don’t feel like it. I need to cook some stuff but again I am not feeling it. It is nice out but sunny days just make me feel worse.
Ah well, I got this out, I will take some time and then I will take a walk, make up some soup and then sit outside in the sun with my book and a glass of wine.
Edit: I do have a lot to be grateful for and believe me I most certainly am. My house is paid off, the neighborhood is still pretty safe just noisy, I am ok financially, my kids and my sister have been great with helping me out, my health, even with the potential cancer, is good, the kids’ dad is willing to help me do the little things needed around the house (he was in the siding and window business and does odd jobs on the side), I have a couple of good friends and of course I have you my cyber friends.
Last updated April 24, 2021