Secrets safe with me. in A New Beginning to an Old Story.

I know I need to write about this. I just don't really know how to write about this, or where to start. This new beginning in ProseBox was supposed to be about my 'new journey'. You know, I just started college, and stopped caring so much about other people and was going to start living life for me! Living it up, being a young adult and coming back to report it all in this safe, secure, confidential journal type thingy.

Shit...

I've been in school for 3 weeks now and it's going well. I'm doing great in my classes, the classes are natural to me. A little boring, actually. I've fought both of my bosses to keep my position and salary and they are finally realizing im worth it. Things were leveling out.

Until yesterday...

I've been feeling like shit, you guys. More so than usual. (Backstory: I have severe hormonal imbalances, I am pre-diabetic, last year I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian disease and told i'd never have kids because my body doesn't create the proper hormones and ovulation, etc. And im on a few medications to help my hormone levels and my sugar/glucose levels. Sometimes they make me super sick.)

So I started getting sick and I stopped taking the meds, then started, then only took them when I wasn't nauseous. I decided enough was enough, I need to see my doctor because at this point im getting so frustrated. I mean, i'd be at school and my stomach would be killing because I was hungry but I couldn't eat without feeling so nauseous. My body felt like it was dying. Which isn't unusual for me, actually.But I figured my doctor should know. Before going to my doctor I decided to take a home pregnancy test (he's made me take them before, due to all the hormones, just so its a for sure no.) so it was nothing new to me... la la la, I accidentally bought a 2-pack because I was nervous. I hate buying these things, its worse than condoms. People at the store glare at you and judge you up and down. I guess it doesn't help that I look maybe 17? Or at least I feel like it.

Anyway.. I get home and decide to take it and it's all fancy digital. I look over and it says "YES+". What. The. Fuck, you guys!? My heart sank. I didn't know what to believe, like is this for real? This is supposed to be impossible!!

I walked downstairs and immediately my Boyfriend was like "Whats wrong, you look like somethings wrong?" I burst into tears and all I could say was "Please don't be mad..." I think he thought I cheated on him or something, but he asked what what what? I finally showed him the test and he said "You're pregnant?!" I said "I think so..?" I don;t even know. I was shaking for hours after. Seriously, this is such a shock to me for so many reasons.

I'm calling my doctor tomorrow. I'm so nervous to tell him...

No one knows yet (except the Boyfriend and my bestfriend.) Here's to a new journey... that's for sure.