I need a refill on my oxycondoms in A new beginning

I swear if I didn't work at the dungeon I call work, if I heard these stories from anyone I probably wouldn't believe them.

Needless to say, the last couple weeks have been colorful to say the least. The schedules have been packed full of crazies. Had this guy that had a carpal tunnel release under GENERAL anesthesia call two hours after his surgery complaining that the tramadol he was prescribed was not doing anything and he needed something stronger. Now for one, carpal tunnel releases are quick 10-15 minute cases and are usually done under local or MAC anesthesia which is a sedation type anesthesia for people that are too nervous to do it under local. This surgery is not really painful at all and most patients get by with ibuprofen or don't even have to take anything at all because it's so minor. Before this dude, I had never heard of her even doing one under general so I called her since she had left and told her what was happening and she was like "Um, no. This guy has an extensive drug history and told me he is allergic to ibuprofen and tylenol (red flag) so that is why I gave him tramadol so no he is not getting anything stronger". Long story short he said she just HAD to prescribe him vicodin for at least three days okay and what, she ain't gonna give me anything? Well I WILL be going to the ER and getting a lawyer then!! Good luck buddy. I looked up and saw that he did in fact go to the ER TWO days later (on 4/20 of course) and they thankfully saw right through him and didn't give him anything.

Had a guy a few days ago call up for his wife and leave a message insisting she needed a refill on her Oxycondoms not once but twice and she needed them ASAP! I just...can't... why that would ever even remotely sound correct to someone is beyond me. His wife is also another one of our drug seekers so that was great too. Tis the season I suppose.

I was doing intake on this one guy who was in his 50's yesterday and I was going over his medications and allergies with him and I was like "Ok...so no known allergies?" He goes "Yeah, except women. I'm allergic to all women. They make me hard all over." I didn't quite know how to respond to that one. He goes "Ever heard of that one before?" "No can't say I have!" He kept trying to talk to me and I just exited the room as quickly as I could. Speaking of inappropriate patients, they aren't always males apparently. A few years back when I first started at the dungeon I had this woman call me up the day after her carpal tunnel release asking if it was normal to still have numbness in her hand. When I told her that yes it was, she goes "Oh damnit! You just totally ruined my hump day!! I was planning on...you...know...gripping some things later! Oh well, at least I know it's normal. You have yourself a great hump day and hump away!!!" Fast forward to a couple months ago my coworker "T" was just sitting at her desk and this woman walks by and points to my coworker and goes "Oooh yeah look at her right there, she all ready for hump day!! Eeeooh eeeoh eeeoh!" This was said as she gyrated up and down like a camel of course. After she told me about this encounter it was then that I figured out it had to be that same damn woman. Well, yesterday "T" had the unfortunate experience of booking her for an MRI and asking her some screening questions. This is how it went....

"Are you, or could you be pregnant?" "God I hope to hell not! I would f*cking kill myself!!" do you have any implants in your eyes, ears, heart valves, coils, stents or grafts?" "I don't have implants ANYWHERE. Not even in my titties." "Have you ever had a penetrating eye injury such as metal, glass etc" "Well that's not how I like to be penetrated".

Yeah...every answer was a sex related response.

Had a girl this afternoon call up PISSED because she was told she couldn't smoke pot before her surgery tomorrow. She wanted to know what we were going to do about that because she has a ton of anxiety and wont be able to do it without it. I talked to my surgeon and she was like "Sooo is she asking me for like a prescription for a joint or what??" haha. I was like no I think you should just give her something in her IV when she gets there. "Yeah that's what I'll do" Then later on, she asked if she was still on or if she cancelled since she can't smoke pot and I was like "Don't worry. I took care of it. I told her to smoke up!"

I have soo many more stories but should probably stop now before this gets even more lengthy. Interviewed another gem last week too but I'll save that for another time.

I'll just leave you with a random picture of Lilly playing hide and seek alone. ha