Last night I had a dinner to attend. My boyfriend is a welders helper, and his welder needed a babysitter on Friday. He wanted me to meet the children before I decided if I wanted to take on the job. He has a five year old daughter, and a three year old son. I haven't watched children in years and never for very long. So granted I am a little nervous. This situation put a ton of pressure on me and my boyfriend, because this is hos boss.
Now lets take it back a few hours before the dinner. I have mentioned before that sometimes I feel insane. I haven't gone to a doctor to properly get diagnosed. Sometimes I have these intense attacks. I have not had one this bad since I moved to Wyoming.
My boyfriend got very frustrated with me, because he didn't understand what was happening, and I was going to make us late for dinner. At that point he almost didn't even want me to go. I felt so stressed, and mad at myself because I couldn't hold it together. One thing right after another kept going wrong when I was trying to get ready.
I have pretty much recovered from my eating disorder. I eat at least two meals a day. Since recovering I gained at least 20 pounds it is a big difference. I don't fit into my cloths like I used to. Yet I have learned to accept it. Until last night I felt so beyond fat. I was under so much pressure and could not find something I felt comfortable in for the life of me.
After much fuss when I finally just threw something on my body and got off my closet floor I made my way downstairs to the already running car, and my annoyed boyfriend. We did not say one word on the way to the restaurant. By the time we arrived I felt like vomiting all over the parking lot.
My fist impression on my boyfriends boss and his family was most likely not a good one. I barely held a conversation, and I picked at the food on my plate the whole night. I felt embarrassed as soon as we felt. Of course I accepted to watch over their children.
The way home was a little better I only busted out in tears. A few more words had been said on the way back. My boyfriend had said I needed to look into seeing a doctor and getting medication to even out my emotions. I used to refuse the idea of medicating myself, but now I accept the fact that medication might actually help me. He had suggested that idea, or just getting ahold of myself and getting over it. Which is more easily said than done. With those words being said they hurt me. I feel like I could never get over this as hard as I try.
Well after dinner when we got home I dove into bed and slept for what felt like forever. Which was a very nice feeling. When I awoke I felt much better.
Loading comments...