Bottom Out - 30.04.14 in Your Face

My day ended on a massive low. I don't know what happened, but I ended up being really upset about missing my gym class due to a dumb chain of events, set off by my grandmother (which should not be a surprise). Biting back tears as I did my grocery shopping, feeling pathetic and hopeless as I wandered the aisles, only finding precious few foods to buy that I wanted to eat and fit my storage and cooking requirements. Bawling my eyes out on the drive home, and the whole time just being utterly embarrassed at how upset I was because I didn't get to go to the fucking gym.

I just feel like I'm losing it, and I can't figure out what the trigger was.

So, I've packed my gym bag, and packed clothes for the Jason Derulo concert I am going to tomorrow night. Before you start, I got a free ticket from a woman at work, and when my options are sitting at home alone, or going to do something social, why the fuck not go to this concert. If nothing else, I will spend some time with friends.

Feeling slightly less obese today. My pants are still tight, but not cutting-off-circulation tight. I was very upset at some cramping muscles during my pump class last night, I am sure it was just crap technique but can't help but worry a little as my back was very painful. It was a different routine and a different instructor (who can be quite hard on us). We shall see, anyway.

I am going to go turn out the lights and hop into my bed, and wish for another day. If nothing else, I have had the opportunity to remind myself that I do have some control over the way I feel. I might be a complete nutter, but eventually I do figure out that sobbing over something is not productive, and that I am better off figuring out an alternate plan to get what I wanted.