Missing him in Her mind

I wish I could write more about the moments when I’m happy than when I’m falling apart. Life settles down for a brief moment then it start hitting even harder than before. I don’t even have the energy to put my feelings into words this time, and at this point, I know it’s really fucked up!
I guess I’m still mourning the loss of my grandpa.. and that’s why it’s hard for me to get back my life. His death changed me… It really did, I became more sensitive since then, every thing makes me feel sad, and I cry a lot without any reason, and now I bet that the reason is I’ve been missing him since the second he passed away.. He was so dear to me ! And it hits me deeper when it comes to a situation that I would’ve run to him asking for help if he was still alive… It wasn’t easy to accept faith’s offer to me, but there is nothing that can be done ! He had lived a very long life, yet, me being selfish and possessive about him is not helping me cope the emptiness that his death has caused me. My sobbing may not seem violent on the outside, but the parts of me inside are tortured with extreme sadness and what’s worst is that forgetting becomes difficult… So I’ll just cry on my pillow as usual, because it’s hard to explain to someone how are you missing a dead person !