Hot mess express in The day to day

My ex came to get the boys tonight and will be bringing them back on Sunday evening. I instantly became a hot mess when he came to get them. He’s been getting them for months on Saturday until Sunday evening so this shouldn’t be any different. It’s just an extra night. But for whatever reason I feel like I went into full blown panic attack mode. My ex tried to calm me down. Even hugged me. He did make B go with him. But he was gentle about it. And we both know he will be okay. I hope they can get along all weekend. There is a birthday party for them to go to tomorrow with some kids to play with so hopefully that will be a good distraction for B.

When he drops them off on Sunday we are going to go over the divorce stuff. We have to come to an agreement about everything before our appointment that I set up for Thursday. I don’t know if that’s another reason I went into panic mode. I think I am too much of a pleaser sometimes. I want everyone to be happy and get along, when sometime I need to stick to my guns. I think I’m a little afraid of backing down when it comes to negotiating everything with the divorce. But I know I have to be able to live so there’s not a whole lot of backing down from that.

B had an orthodontist appointment today and got new rubber band accessories to deal with, so I hope that doesn’t send too much anxiety his way when he has to change them tonight and over the next couple of days. I sent his anxiety medicine and the rubber bands with him. I hope his dad makes sure he takes his medicine. It helps. Although I wonder if his dosage shouldn’t be upped a little, only because he is growing. He’s probably grown 6 inches since he was actually in person at the therapist’s office. He has an appointment coming up so I will have to bring that up to the nurse practitioner.

My tears have mostly stopped flowing. Once they were gone and it was quiet around here, I settled down. I hope me crying in front of them doesn’t hinder them from being okay while they are with their dad. Especially B. He’s a worrier like me, so I don’t want him to worry about me while he’s there. I may have to send him a text in awhile to let him know I am okay.

I really need a crafting project. I wish it wasn’t already 8 pm here or I would venture out and try and find some project to get started. I will probably go find something tomorrow. I did have plans to work on the yard this weekend because it’s supposed to be nice, plus there are already weeds growing in places they shouldn’t be! I’m sure I will keep myself occupied so I don’t worry about the kids too much. This is how it was for me when they first started going over there and I got to the point where I enjoyed my time by myself. It gave me a break. I’m sure I’ll get used to them going over there an extra day soon.