Planning is underway for the commitment ceremony, or second wedding, or vows renewal, or whatever you want to call it. Nothing particularly formal about it, we're doing this mostly for fun and to openly acknowledge our new identities in front of family and friends. I have a friend who is a nondenominational pastor and she had performed several gay and lesbian marriages for couples we know and she has agreed to officiate. As we plan out more and more of the details, I'm getting excited about it.
Three things that we are openly committing to: 1. A non-monogamous marriage. 2. My genderqueer identity, as well as my male role in our marriage. 3. My husband's homosexuality, his desire to cross dress, and his femininity even though he identifies as male.
A lot of people in our lives already know about these changes, but this is our chance to be completely open to everyone that this is our new lifestyle. Liz, my girlfriend, will be in attendance, and I plan on not hiding from anyone that she is my girlfriend.
I will wear a tux, which I will probably just rent. My husband is going to wear a wedding dress. We actually have an appointment for a fitting later this afternoon and a place that is friendly to gay men who wear wedding dresses. Not a huge surprise I guess that there are places out there that are friendly to that.
All references to me in the ceremony will be male. Even though I prefer the pronoun "they" I am happy to be "he" during the ceremony. I will be also be called the "husband." It's a little more ambiguous with my husband, who also wants male pronouns, but will be called the "wife" in the ceremony.
I haven't yet decided if I will mention anything about the hormone replacement therapy I am currently on and that I will becoming more obviously male over time.
We haven't fully agreed on our new vows yet, other than to say that each of us will commit to the three things I mentioned above. I have decided that I will refer to myself as genderqueer, but also point out that in the two-gender system that most people accept, I identify as male. This will be a new thing for me as I'm only now starting to acknowledge that I identify as male. My husband will use the phrase "I am gay" in his vows, and I'm looking forward to hearing his say that out loud in front of people that he hasn't yet come out to.
As we continue to figure out some details, I'm liking where this is going.
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